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A popular aphorism is that “encouragement is oxygen for the soul.” That would seem to make it a useful addition to the proverbial management tool box. Jordan Montgomery, a performance coach, goes further, viewing encouragement not as a tool but as a language that all his clients – and presumably all the people around us at work – understand. They all want to be seen, heard and understood. They all want to be appreciated and acknowledged.
“Everyone loves to hear it spoken, and not enough people are speaking it,” he writes in his book The Art of Encouragement.
“It isn’t something we should dismiss or take lightly. It is also not a tool to be used for manipulation, used for getting what you want out of people or from people.”
Encouragement sounds simple, but we often shy away from it. He urges you to practise it with people. It will feel awkward initially. He stresses it’s about character, not skill. It’s about their innate attributes, moral qualities, principles and personality traits, not capabilities and proficiencies. “When you praise and encourage a person in their character you are making them feel like they are wonderful because of who they are rather than what they do, and it is this feature that makes the art of character encouragement so impactful,” he writes.
Even elite performers need encouragement. NFL all-star offensive lineman Brandon Scherff, one of his clients, called one day and declared he was upset. He normally stayed away from critical media reports during the football season but had read one suggesting he was faltering.
Mr. Montgomery did begin his heartening words with some of the player’s career achievements, but then went on to note he was a loving father and great husband, ‘have one of the biggest hearts of anyone I have ever met, and you have this inspiring ability to remain humble, sincere and down-to-earth, despite your incredible success.” The praise went on, until Mr. Scherff chuckled and said, “you know, when you put it like that….”
They both laughed but for Mr. Montgomery it was a sobering reminder that we all need to be reminded of who we really are, and who we have the potential to be. The encouragement doesn’t have to be novel or groundbreaking. It can be powerful as a simple reminder of what the individual already knows.
It is easier, he notes, to praise performance, status and achievements – what someone does – rather than who they actually are. Indeed, praising performance is almost reflexive. So, a salesperson is praised for exceeding their sales goal for the month. Someone is praised for an all-nighter that led to a superlative report for a client.
That matters, of course. He is, after all, a performance coach. But he argues that a person’s character – the essence of who they are – matters far more than their skills. Tapping into who someone is will activate their potential.
“If we want to build better teams, improve company culture, shepherd our families, sell more products, win more games, etc., we have to invest time in understanding the unique characteristics that make people who they are, what drives them, what gives them meaning,” he writes.
That includes encouraging lacklustre team members. They may not be the most productive or enjoyable person, but he argues they are probably adding to the team if you understand who they are at a deeper level. If you discover that essence, he believes it connects to their inner need to be known, makes them feel supported and valued, and can translate into better performance.
Encouragement should be consistent. After Mr. Montgomery was fired from a job early in his career, he told a friend, “My world is falling apart. I see that you’ve called me a few times, but I just need some time.” The friend replied: “I’m just calling you to tell you that I love you, and I’m going to call you every single day to check on you, and remind you that I am thinking of you.” It’s interesting that in the outpouring of praise that followed former prime minister Brian Mulroney’s death many stories highlighted his knack of keeping in touch with people, particularly in bad times for that individual.
Encouragement should include your boss or the CEO, Mr. Montgomery advises. They are leading the organization on everyone’s behalf and often don’t have anyone encouraging them.
To learn the language of encouragement, he recommends creating a list of people you should or could be encouraging. Begin by encouraging them about something having to do with their character. You may want to write it down first to make sure you have framed it properly. To show that you will show up for them continually, repeat that again, in different words, over some future encounters. Look for opportunities to write an encouraging note or quickly check in. Ask the person what they are passionate about in life and listen carefully. As you build your confidence, look for a way to illuminate something valuable in them that they may not have been recognized. In time, the language will come naturally.
Cannonballs
- Jason Fried, chief executive officer of Basecamp software, says in his field there is a three-week version of something, a six-week version, a four-month version and a one-year version. Too often, they slide into one another, the project planned for three weeks becoming a six-week version and ending up a four- or one-year version. Instead of estimating project time, he suggests setting an appetite for the effort: We’ll take the four-week version. We’ll tailor what we do to the time period.
- Don’t judge job candidates too quickly, warns Halifax executive recruiter Gerald Walsh: “We all tend to form impressions quickly, but the reality is that you should seek out both positive and negative information and wait until you have completed the interview before deciding.”
- Consultant Marlene Chism shares this list of when to delay a difficult conversation: If you’re angry, if they are emotional or if you haven’t prepared and would be speaking impulsively so you need to get more facts first.
Harvey Schachter is a Kingston-based writer specializing in management issues. He, along with Sheelagh Whittaker, former CEO of both EDS Canada and Cancom, are the authors of When Harvey Didn’t Meet Sheelagh: Emails on Leadership.