Because fertility is a very stigmatized topic at work, it can lead to feelings of isolation and anxiety.Getty Images
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Ask Women and Work
Question: I’m going through fertility treatments and finding it very difficult at work. It’s stressful to give myself hormone injections in secret and sneak off for appointments. Plus, my hormones are all out of whack, making me even more anxious. I know the fertility process can take some time, so how can I handle this better so that it doesn’t affect my job performance?
We asked Toronto-based psychiatrist Dr. Ariel Dalfen to tackle this one:
Unfortunately, this is very common issue, so know that you’re not alone in having to deal with this. Fertility is a very stigmatized topic in the workplace, and I think most people don’t feel confident to speak to their boss about it.
I wish I could say, ‘Oh, just speak to your boss,’ but the reality is people get penalized for this kind of thing. You need to understand your workplace and the culture and make sure that it’s not going to have implications on your job and you’re not going to be negatively evaluated because of it. There are some companies that talk the talk and say they’re women-friendly, but we all know what the reality often is. I hate to say that in this day and age and I wish it was different, but you do have to be savvy and smart about it. Systemic changes in the workplace would definitely help.
If you don’t feel it’s the right move to talk to your employer about it, it’s important to have someone that you can confide in. It can be great if you have a trusted colleague who can cover for you and help you feel like you’re not alone, because going through fertility treatments can be such an isolating experience. If you have a partner, you can call them and cry to them if you need to through the day, or a close friend or family member.
If you are feeling paralyzed or extremely anxious or depressed, it’s important to reach out for help. There are different options – individual counselling, peer support, couples therapy or joining a group where you can feel supported and connect with other people who are very likely going through exactly the same thing. In terms of resources, there’s a great website called Fertility Matters Canada that provides lots of great information, and I also co-founded a virtual mental health clinic called Bria where we provide mental health support at each life stage, from pre-pregnancy to perimenopause.
Whether formal or informal, support during fertility treatment is essential because people going through it often feel out of lockstep with their friends and their peer group. They think, ‘All my friends are progressing through these life stages, there might be something wrong with me.’ They find every reason to blame themselves. And when people keep that inside and it goes through their head over and over again, it can make things a lot worse. Support can help you feel less alone, less ashamed, and help you realize that a lot of people are going through the same thing you are.
Submit your own questions to Ask Women and Work by e-mailing us at GWC@globeandmail.com.
This week’s must-read stories on women and work
Graduating during a recession has devastating effects. Hopefully things have changed
Graduating during a recession can be so bad for your future that you should avoid graduating during these times at all costs. That is more or less the depressing conclusion reached by researchers who watched how graduates of the recession in the early 1980s progressed throughout their lifetimes. Researchers found that the graduates’ careers, health and family lives were all affected by the poor start to their work lives.
Hopefully things have changed and Gen Z graduates will encounter the same fate no matter what the economy throws at them and when they happen to graduate within the wild ride of the last four years. Still, with the Canadian economy now hitting a soft spot, it is worth taking a look at how starting a career during a downturn can reverberate for years to come.
Read about how graduating during a recession can have an impact on all aspects of life, from rates of disability to divorce to lung, liver and heart disease.
Canadian companies diverge on diversity disclosures, with no fix in sight
Some Canadian public companies are required to follow a federal law that requires them to disclose data on how many visible minorities, Indigenous people and people with disabilities sit on their board of directors. Other companies produce diversity disclosures that follow that law, even if they’re not required to. Some go beyond the law and say how many directors are part of the LGBTQ2SI+ community. Some companies craft a diversity narrative that offers some disclosure, but falls short.
And some companies do nothing.
Canada has been a world leader in diversity disclosure. A 2015 regulation forced companies to disclose the number of women on the board and in executive management, and explain why the company didn’t have a target for more. In 2020, Ottawa required federally incorporated companies – about one-third of those traded on public markets – to disclose additional information on visible minorities, Indigenous people and the disabled.
There has been no new law or regulation since, however. Canada’s provincial and territorial securities regulators are deeply divided on a possible national standard for diversity disclosure, perhaps hopelessly so. The country’s stock exchanges have not put forward any requirements.
Read why some people say Canada needs a country-wide standard for diversity disclosures.
How The Maid made Nita Prose a marquee mystery writer
It’s a truism that writers are poor judges of their own work. Which may be the best explanation for why Nita Pronovost, who writes under the pen name Nita Prose, felt so wholly unprepared for the wild success of her debut mystery novel, The Maid, despite a nearly 20-year career in publishing – most recently as vice-president, editor-in-chief at Simon & Schuster Canada, a post she just left – in which she guided multiple authors down the road to bestsellerdom.
Since its publication in January, 2022, The Maid has sold more than a million copies in North America alone and been translated into 40 languages: unicorn territory for a first-time author, especially a Canadian one. It puts Prose, 51, in the company of marquee names such as Louise Penny, Linwood Barclay and Shari Lapena, the difference being, of course, that the others are now long-established with substantial bodies of work under their belts.
Read more from Nita Prose on her literary triumph and the string of surreal moments that followed.
In case you missed it
Microaggressions at work take a heavy toll: Exhaustion, humiliation, burnout
“It hurts.”
That’s what Amanda Uchendu says about being the target of microaggressions at work. As a Black woman working in Winnipeg, Ms. Uchendu says, “It’s hard being myself in the workplace without being judged or perceived as something I’m not. I simply would be myself, and people assumed I was mad about something.”
Despite repeatedly asking for learning and advancement opportunities within her organization, Ms. Uchendu says she’s been dismissed and ignored.
“I feel humiliated in my department,” she says. “My colleagues and friends have seen how I am being treated – they are telling me they want to train me and see me do well in this organization and to keep trying, but I’m tired. You can only beg so much to be given a chance, a fair chance.”
Read the full article.
From the archives
Cybersecurity is a red-hot career choice – why aren’t more women working in this space?
How many women do you know who are cybersecurity experts? If you can only name a handful (or maybe none at all), that’s not surprising.
In 2021, women represented just 25 per cent of the global cybersecurity work force, according to an estimate from Cybersecurity Ventures, an organization that carries out research into the world cyber economy. Meanwhile, it’s an industry in great demand – that same year, there were 3.5 million unfilled cybersecurity jobs globally.
This dearth of women in the cybersecurity field is a problem that Cat Coode, a data privacy consultant based in Waterloo, Ont., has experienced first-hand.
“When we walk in a room and start to talk about cybersecurity, we are assumed to be the salespeople and not actually the people who know how to implement,” says Ms. Coode.
Read the full article.
The Globe and Mail
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