For years, I believed that one of the most important skills for a leader, or any worker really, was empathy. But that is no longer true. Now, I believe it to be compassion.
Which begs the question, what’s the difference? The answer is better understood by examining three words – sympathy, empathy and compassion.
Sympathy is cognitive; it is equivalent to “I understand your problem.” It is when you feel sorry for the person who has experienced a hardship. It usually translates into pity, and while it may be an admirable emotion, it does nothing for the individual who is in physical or emotional discomfort.
Empathy is emotional. It is equivalent to “I feel what you feel.” It goes further than sympathy in that you deliberately try to put yourself in the other person’s position. When you can understand and acknowledge the distress being felt by the other person, it can be helpful to them. Which is why empathy has always been an important workplace skill. It allows you to build a deeper relationship with an individual that goes beyond just the inconsequential. And that leads to healthier workplaces.
Compassion goes beyond empathy. It includes a motivational or active component; it is equivalent to “I want to help you out of this.” It is when you not only experience empathy, but you (try to) take action to alleviate the other person’s difficulty or pain, whether it is physical or emotional. In the case of trauma, it could be holding someone’s hand and sitting in silence, bringing a warm blanket or offering a meal. In the case of a workplace difficulty, it could be offering resources, brainstorming solutions or even just listening attentively. Compassion takes empathy to a whole different level. It creates an environment in which people are more likely to recognize and appreciate others sincerely, and to work to benefit your organization in addition to themselves. It makes people feel like they are part of a team. It reduces pressure and anxiety, as well as makes them more resilient to stress and burnout. All outcomes that would make any workplace better.
Yet, there are the naysayers who may say compassionate people are viewed as weak and are vulnerable to being taken advantage of. Or being compassionate is just about trying to be nice and avoid conflict. Or compassion is only relevant in social work and health care sectors. Not true. Compassion is a strength that takes emotional intelligence and courage. Being compassionate does not mean you will avoid tough conversations or permit disrespectful behaviour. Rather, it involves approaching difficult situations with understanding and respect, while still holding others accountable for their actions. Compassion is a universal human quality that is relevant and beneficial in all workplaces, no matter the industry or job function.
Whether you are in a leadership or an individual contributor role, there are things you can do right now to create and foster a more compassionate workplace. Top on the list is to be a more mindful active listener. Take the time to listen to your staff or colleagues, and show that you are interested in what they have to say. Ask clarifying questions and make an effort to understand their perspective. When you learn to be more present and attentive in the moment, you can better understand and respond to the needs of others.
Offer words of encouragement. Express gratitude. Sometimes, all it takes to make someone’s day is a kind word or a few words of support. Let your employees and co-workers know that you appreciate their hard work and that you believe in their abilities. This can be as simple as remembering to say ‘thank you.’
Extend a helping hand to someone who seems overloaded. The obvious approach is to offer to take on some of their load, but that isn’t always possible. however, you can help by sharing your expertise. Perhaps you have a tip or trick that can make what they’re doing quicker or easier. Take the time to tell them how.
Show interest in your staff or colleagues as real people, not just persons you work with. Ask about their lives outside work – their family, hobbies and interests. If you’re worried this means you now may need to be new best friends, don’t be. The goal is to better understand someone’s situation and circumstances so you know more about their motivations. Plus, it is a lot easier to show compassion to someone if you know something about their personal circumstances.
Compassionate workplaces lead to less stress, greater productivity and more job satisfaction. Wouldn’t you like to work somewhere that has these qualities? You can. Start by thinking about what you can do to move your working environment in this direction.
Merge Gupta-Sunderji is a speaker, author, mentor to senior leaders, and the chief executive officer of the leadership development consultancy Turning Managers Into Leaders.