THE QUESTION
I hired a close friend to join my team a year ago, so I became his manager. He had a specific skill set we needed and was a good candidate for the job. But I’m increasingly finding it difficult to draw the line between “friend” and “boss,” especially as I can tell he’s not really enjoying the position. For example, he recently told me that he’s interviewing for a position at a new company. Do I tell my boss he’s a flight risk? Do I tell my friend that he shouldn’t talk to me about work when we’re off the clock?
THE FIRST ANSWER
Jennifer Houle, director of HR, Coeuraj, Victoria
While navigating the dual role of friend and manager can be challenging, establishing clear boundaries will help ensure the success of both your personal and working relationship.
To start, have an open and honest conversation with your friend about mutual boundaries. To protect your friendship, encourage him to share his concerns in a professional manner, and only during work hours. The goal here is to re-establish yourself as a manager in the workplace.
Next, as you would with any direct report, address his concerns and explore potential solutions together while remaining supportive and empathetic. Seek to understand his perspective and work to identify any adjustments that could enhance his job satisfaction.
While you may be aware of your friend’s job search, revealing his intentions to your boss without his consent could damage your relationship. If, for whatever reason, you feel it’s crucial that your boss is aware of his intentions to leave the company, then allow him the autonomy to have that discussion on his own terms.
If the challenges persist and continue to affect either your personal or working relationship, reach out to your HR department or a trusted mentor for guidance. It may be necessary to reassess the arrangement and explore transitioning your friend to a different role or team to alleviate the inherent conflicts.
Creating open lines of communication, establishing clear boundaries and giving both relationships the respect they deserve will contribute to maintaining a healthy balance between your friendship and professional responsibilities.
THE SECOND ANSWER
Natasha Lakhani, vice president of people and talent, Super, Toronto
It was considerate of you to recommend a friend for a role. However, the manager/employee relationship is complex and the line between a personal and professional relationship has become blurred. This conflict of interest puts you in a difficult position because you are responsible, as a manager, for your employee’s performance. Here are a couple of suggestions to consider:
Have a conversation with your friend. Explain the position that you’re in and that their employment (and livelihood there) matters to you, as does the performance of anyone on your team. Tell him that you value his contribution and friendship, but you have to maintain professionalism and boundaries at work.
Given that he’s articulated dissatisfaction with his role, have an open performance conversation with him to better understand his perspective and areas that you can offer support.
Lastly, I would address his comments about his dissatisfaction at work. Truly find out if he is a flight risk or just unhappy with a certain aspect of the job which can be addressed. I would do my own investigating before escalating things to your boss. This also shows your leadership by finding a solution instead of just going to your boss with a problem. If you still feel like he is a flight risk after having this conversation, share this with your manager.
It’s a tough balance, but establishing boundaries is important. Maintain respect. Lead with authenticity and transparency to maintain a productive work relationship and friendship.
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