When someone tells you to ‘be the bigger person’ in the face of microaggressions, it’s important to consider whether they understand your lived experience.recep-bg/Getty Images
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Ask Women and Work
Question: I have been dealing with some difficult work situations involving microaggressions from co-workers related to my gender and ethnicity. I have received some support from HR, but I’m still feeling alienated and unhappy at work. A colleague told me I need to be more resilient and not let these things bother me, but that’s frustrating: Why do I always need to be the bigger person?
We asked Chi-Chi Egbo, founder of Workthrough, a career engagement and HR consultancy that works with organizations to develop employees, to tackle this one:
In life, we are often told be the bigger person. Even if you fail, keep going, be resilient. If someone teases you at school, ignore them, toughen up. It’s a resilience narrative that says in order to move forward, we need to endure the stuff that is harmful to us. Resilience can be a good thing, but too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. Think of a rubber band: You can stretch a rubber band only so much; at some point it’s going to snap. The more that harm piles up, it’s going to impact our mental health. It’s going to lead to more frustration and burnout.
Resilience isn’t about ignoring and putting things to the side. It’s about seeking out the bigger purpose, and in this case that is you speaking up for yourself and engaging in self-advocacy. In doing so, you will get the opportunity to practice your communication skills, to see what happens when you advocate for yourself and to build your confidence. That in itself is going to empower you as you move forward in your career.
It’s important to reflect: The last time I spoke up, did I do it in a way that maybe my point was missed? A lot of times when we talk about instances like this, our emotions are high. Write down the instances of microaggressions. You can send that information over e-mail and ask for a follow-up conversation.
Another important thing to reflect on is support. When someone says to you, ‘Be the bigger person,’ really think about whether this is someone that looks like you, that might have similar lived experiences as you. Do they understand the bigger picture and the lived experience of being a racialized woman who has endured a lot of discrimination? When you’re seeking out support, not everyone is going to understand.
Are there women or other colleagues you trust who might have had similar experiences and you can have a private chat? There may be internal employee resource groups that align with your identity that you could engage in. If not, there are many outside professional networks that are geared toward industries and identities where you can connect and find that community support.
You can also do some practical things when you’re feeling unhappy at work. If someone is making you feel alienated or saying your work isn’t good, it’s important to think, when have I succeeded? What are my wins? What is the proof against this?
Women, and racialized women in particular, are often made to feel our skills aren’t good enough, that we don’t deserve to be in these spaces. By recognizing your impact and what you’ve accomplished before, it’s an act of resistance against the type of inequities and harm that are being passed your way.
Submit your own questions to Ask Women and Work by e-mailing us at GWC@globeandmail.com.
This week’s must-read stories on women and work
It’s less lonely than it used to be for women entering the trades
Carpenter Barbara James is working their dream job: helping to build their community’s long-awaited bighouse, a 11,500-square-foot, cedar-constructed place for ceremony for the Gwa’sala-’Nakwaxda’xw Nations, in northern Vancouver Island.
The federal government promised a new bighouse when it forcibly relocated and amalgamated the Gwa’sala and ‘Nakwaxda’xw nations in the 1960s. To be part of the project as it is finally happening is “definitely a highlight of my career,” says James, 36, who identifies as two-spirit.
But getting to this stage was not without challenges, they say.
When James started a trades discovery course for women at British Columbia Institute of Technology (BCIT) in 2005, they almost never saw other Indigenous people on campus, let alone Indigenous women or gender-diverse people. It was the same when they started working.
“I used to be the only woman on site,” says James, whose ancestral name is Ma̲lidzas.
Read more on how leaders in the trades are paving the way for the next generation.
Counterparts who hold you accountable and support you are crucial. Peer mentoring is a secret advantage
“Peer mentoring can be the secret advantage that supports your journey as a business leader,” says Karima-Catherine Goundiam, founder and CEO of digital strategy firm Red Dot Digital and business matchmaking platform B2BeeMatch.
“While I was growing up in Senegal, France, Saudi Arabia and the United States, mentoring was not a widespread concept in the working world, and even less so for women. I came to Canada in 2000 and I became a consultant in 2008.
“As I was doing a lot of networking, I was exposed to different paths. I met a woman of colour who was navigating her way to where she wanted to be faster than others. I became curious and asked what made her different, when on paper she didn’t seem unusual. I learned that the difference was mentorship – a new concept to me. Once I realized how different it was from what I had known, I had a light bulb moment. I wanted to find mentors for myself. And I did.”
Read how peer mentoring differs from the standard template of mentors who are older and mentees who are younger.
Will AI enable a three-day workweek? Certain billionaires think so, but some experts disagree
In a November episode of the What Now? With Trevor Noah podcast, Bill Gates described a world where machines do most of the labour, while humans earn a comfortable living working three days a week. Those comments followed a similar statement by Jamie Dimon, the chief executive of JPMorgan Chase, who told Bloomberg, “your children will live to 100 and not have cancer because of [medical advancements in] technology, and literally they’ll probably be working three and a half days a week.”
The quickly developing technology is poised to dramatically increase productivity across a range of industries and functions, and while some suggest those gains will translate into fewer working hours, others fear it could result in fewer workers.
“Just because we can be more productive doesn’t mean we’ll work less time,” said Vered Shwartz, a professor of computer science at the University of British Columbia, and AI chair at the Vector Institute. “There’s a good chance that it creates the expectation for workers to do more, be even more productive, and some employers will decide to lay off people before they reduce the workweek.”
Read more on why AI advances could mean more efficiency and more tasks.
In case you missed it
Can an introvert stand out in a room full of extroverts?
Question: I feel like I’m an introvert in a workplace full of extroverts. I’m comfortable with who I am, but I also have ambitions to lead and to advance. Are there ways I can stand out and show my worth without trying to be someone I’m not?
We asked Lissa Appiah, career strategist, personal branding expert and founder of WeApply Canada, to tackle this one:
First, it’s important to understand who an introvert is. People often associate being introverted with being shy, but an introvert is really someone who draws energy from solitude and being alone; that’s when they thrive the most. An extrovert, on the other hand, is someone who thrives in social settings; they get their energy from being around people. Introverts can definitely thrive in the workplace, even though it’s typically built on the so-called extrovert ideal. It’s all about recognizing and leveraging your strengths, knowing there is value in the way you do things and learning how to manage your energy in a workplace setting.
Read the full article.
From the archives
People undergoing fertility treatments need greater flexibility at work
Puja Malhotra wanted to be a mother and used science to help make it a reality. Like thousands of Canadians, she underwent fertility treatments and says it was so much easier to do while working from home during the pandemic.
Ms. Malhotra had the unique perspective of doing a lot of the upfront testing and fertility appointments in 2019 (pre-pandemic) and then starting the actual treatments in May of 2020 amid work-from-home orders. She says this experience allowed her to see just how beneficial the latter scenario really was.
“It’s so much more than just the appointments,” recalls Ms. Malhotra. “The injections have to be done at a certain time, within half an hour, and then the pills and some things are refrigerated and, maybe most importantly, it’s based on your cycle, it’s not based on when you’re available.”
Read the full article.
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