Palestinian photojournalist Samar Abu Elouf, who has contributed to The New York Times, The New Yorker, Reuters and other media outlets.Amjad Al Fayoumi/Supplied
Palestinian photojournalist Samar Abu Elouf, who was honoured with a 2024 International Press Freedom Award by Canadian Journalists for Free Expression on Wednesday, suffers from an unlikely form of PTSD.
For as long as she can remember, she has been surrounded by sounds of sirens and bombings; these have only intensified during the Israel-Hamas war. Since she left Gaza, the absence of those sounds has been no less alarming.
Now, living in Doha, Qatar, with her four children, ranging in age from 11 to 22, she longs to hear any news from her homeland. “Since leaving Gaza I haven’t heard any bombing. I had suffered with it for so long that I got used to it,” Ms. Elouf told The Globe and Mail. “My soul is in Gaza. My family is there. I’m still living it.”
Ms. Elouf, 40, who has contributed to The New York Times, The New Yorker, Reuters and other media outlets, left the Gaza Strip on Oct. 14, 2023 – a week after the Hamas attacks and Israel’s subsequent war on the region. “I was in the north and there were evacuation orders because of the Israeli aggression.”
She was against the idea of leaving. “My purpose was to stay and photograph what was going on. I had sacrificed my life and my children’s lives. I had to leave them for long periods of time because I was with a group of journalists who were always targeted. But as their lives became under threat, I had to leave for their sake.”
Thirteen relatives of Ms. Elouf died in Israeli attacks. “My cousin died in the second month of the war during the evacuation process. She was bombed while leaving the area.”
The last year of not photographing the war has made Ms. Elouf feel lost. “I don’t know what to do; I don’t know where to start and how to pursue my career.”
Her career began more than a decade ago, when she defied her now ex-husband to pursue a life beyond being a housewife. In Gaza, border protests and Israeli retaliation were always a battle. “My life has always been about war. I discovered the only way to tell the world about my country was through the camera.”
In essence, Ms. Elouf felt like she was fighting two wars. “I was the only woman journalist among those documenting what was going on in Gaza.”
If the first anti-occupation protest she covered in 2013 was a test of her mettle, she failed miserably. When Israeli soldiers began firing bullets and tear gas, Ms. Elouf did the unthinkable for a journalist: She ran away.
War in Gaza made me lose faith in international law
“When I saw how much better the other journalists’ photos were, something shifted in me,” she said. “I was determined to be the first to face the rocket when it bombed. I would never run away again. I just had to throw myself in.”
Today, Ms. Elouf is recognized as among the top in her profession. Even though she is accustomed to capturing war and destruction, the level of brutality in this latest conflict has changed her life.
“The difference now is that I have lost everything I have built,” she said. “I also saw people dying in the street, including babies and children.”
Before Hamas attacked Israel last year, she could photograph Palestinians in their day-to-day life despite the backdrop of violence. “I photographed people enjoying the beach, eating in restaurants. Gaza will never be that way again. No one is safe in this war.”
This time, not only is she targeted for being a journalist, civilians don’t want to be anywhere near her. “Now when people saw journalists, they wanted to stay away from us.”
Ms. Elouf has lost many colleagues during the course of this war. “They were just doing their job.”
Families of journalists being targeted is another reason why she chose to leave. “I don’t want anyone to die because of me. Even if they get injured, they cannot be treated. There are no hospitals. Nothing can be done for them. I would not be able to bear it,” she said emotionally. “I feel guilty that I cannot do anything for my family left in Gaza.”
For now, Ms. Elouf is doing what she can from Qatar. “I did a story for The New York Times on the injured people who were evacuated.” She’s waiting for the war to end so that she can go back to Gaza and perhaps start work on a documentary. “I would go as soon as they open the borders – even if what’s left is just sand and ashes.”