THE SCENARIO
My work is good but I'm always second guessing my self after completing a project, analyzing it to see if I could have done something better. Colleagues have picked up on this insecurity. How can I stop this needless worrying and start to project an air of self confidence?
THE ADVICE
First, identify the inner critic or negative self talk that keeps you second-guessing and worrying about your work. Name your inner critics - for example, the "Naysayer," the "Minimizer," the "Doubting Thomas."
Look at the language and the negative cognition being used, such as "you didn't do that right" or "you probably made a mistake" or "this project isn't going to succeed." Then, look at the impact that the inner critics have on you. Do they make you doubt yourself? Do they drain you of energy and creativity?
Often, inner critics are most active at the start or the end of the day, or when you are tired. Take out a journal or a piece of paper and write down which inner critics are present and what language they are using. Write all the negative self talk down then sit back, take three deep breaths, look at the list of what you have written, and say: "It doesn't have to be this way."
Close the journal or rip up the piece of paper and imagine the inner critics being sent to another place, such as a doubter's conference. If the negative thoughts or second-guessing shows up through the day then take three deep breaths, focus, and simply say: "stop" or "it doesn't have to be this way."
Then, return to your work and focus on what is in front of you. Imagine completing the work or project with ease and confidence. Imagine what it would be like to adopt an open, accepting and confident attitude in work and life. Be mindful of your work. Focus on the now.
When your boss or colleagues compliment you on your work and on a job well done, simply say "thank you." Do not minimize what you have done by saying something like "my part was not that big or important" or "It could have been done better, faster or more effectively."
At the end of each day, make a list of all the things that you have done and all your accomplishments. Put the list in front of you. Go through each item on the list and say: "I acknowledge myself for what I have accomplished today." Focus on all the positive accomplishments.
Manage your inner critics, focus on your accomplishments, and accept acknowledgments and compliments from others on a daily basis. Remember to focus on the positives.
Bruce Sandy is president of Pathfinder Coaching in Vancouver