The scenario
I am a mid-level manager.
Several months ago, I got a new boss. From the start, there's been friction. No matter what I do, I never seem to get it right. I have tried everything I can think of but nothing is working .The animosity keeps growing. I am wondering if and how I can turn this situation around, or whether it's time to pack it in and look for another job, inside my company or elsewhere?
The advice
It is time for you and your new boss to put the cards on the table and have frank discussions about your working relationship. You cannot continue in this state of frustration, animosity and not knowing how to please your boss.
The first step is to set up a meeting. Let your boss know that you would like to build a positive, collegial and respectful relationship. Ask what such a relationship would look like to him or her. Seek specifics: Get a better feel for your boss's management style. Ask how your boss likes to work with staff. Then share how you like to work and how you like to be managed.
Once you have both outlined your ideal management and working conditions, styles and relationships, raise your concern about what is getting in the way of your relationship. Be honest, upfront and clear about your frustrations and confusion. When your boss responds, again, seek specifics. Listen, take notes and avoid getting defensive. Look for all the ways you can decrease your negative interactions and increase the positive connections in your relationship.
Draft a combined commitment list. Outline how you will deal with situations that might raise conflict, how you will handle mistakes and apologies, factoring in what each of you have said about your preferred ways of dealing with each other. Use it to build discussion about how you can continue to develop and enhance your working relationship.
If you are not able to clear this all in one session, ask to set up further meetings. Consider regular meetings anyways to keep the conversation going and continue to develop and enhance your work relationship. You may want to consider having a human resource official or coach facilitate these sessions.
If, on the other hand, your boss does not respond well to your approach or shows no interest or recognition of a problem, you have another answer. You may want to begin your search for another job.
More likely, your boss will respond. By taking these steps, you will encourage clearer expectations and more open dialogue to set the foundation for a more positive and respectful long-term working relationship.
Bruce Sandy is a coach, consultant, speaker and founder and principal of Pathfinder Coaching and Consulting based in Port Moody, B.C. http://www.brucesandy.com.