Because nothing in the world can explain the bizarre, formal unveiling of Mike Pence as Donald Trump's vice-presidential candidate, one must return to The Apprentice to understand it all. Or at least, a little.
Recall a decade ago when the presumptive Republican nominee for president fired his co-host Carolyn Kepcher just as she was emerging as her own person. "Carolyn was very good," Mr. Trump said at the time. "I like Carolyn. What I did was for her own good."
If there is anything to take away from Mr. Trump's notably disorganized introduction of the Indiana Governor this afternoon, it was that no one comes anywhere close to sharing the spotlight with Mr. Trump, the Orange Crush of the airwaves.
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Almost three-quarters of the speech – held this morning in the ballroom at Manhattan's Midtown Hilton – was a non-introduction introduction, a 28-minute soliloquy with no what's-his-name standing next to him. Not only that, there was no signage debut with the running mate's name on it. You know, the way presidential tickets traditionally do it. Auspicious, like. The only sharing of names political junkies had seen up until that point was of a logo that had to be revised that consisted of a "T" atop a "P" doing things that letters of the alphabet shouldn't do to each other. But in this case, the two were safely far away from each other. "P" was offstage, leaving "T" to do the talking.
Talking from notes, the billionaire largely discussed himself for the better part of 20 minutes, only occasionally raising the name of his running mate as if kicked under a table, offering him scant praise ("he's a solid, solid person") before returning to discussing himself, corrupt Hillary Clinton, how he predicted Brexit when everyone was laughing at him, a mention of Mike Pence (who will always be able to speak the names of the enemy) and, perhaps most strangely, president Lyndon Johnson and his treatment of evangelicals. At one point, Mr. Trump seemed to talk more about the former VP from Texas than the very alive and possible future VP from Indiana.
Perhaps the most faint-praising moment came when Mr. Trump suggested that he picked Mr. Pence for the sake of party unity. Even when he finally decided to talk about Mr. Pence more robustly about 20 minutes into the speech, he backed into the topic. "Back to Mike Pence!" he said, and by then it was almost a punchline. Other than looking very good and being an incredible family man (in that order), Mr. Trump explained that Mr. Pence could boast a terrific economic record. Mr. Trump also pointed out that his running mate endorsed former Trump archrival Ted Cruz, which he joked was the single greatest non-endorsement endorsement of his life, whatever that means.
Then came The Walk Off. After formally introducing Mr. Pence to the stage, he walked off. Neither huffy, churlish nor absent-minded, he strode off as if it was meant to be. As Mr. Pence finished his disciplined campaign remarks about his vision of the country and his gratitude to God, his family and Mr. Trump, the Donald strode onstage while the improbable strains of Free's cheesy, 70s, come-hither pop tune, All Right Now, blared in the background.
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On Friday, Dana Bash of CNN tweeted that Mr. Trump was having second thoughts about his running mate and asked his aides if he could get out of the arrangement. Maybe that would offer an alternative explanation about why at first Mr. Trump postponed the announcement. Maybe it wasn't the attack in France after all.
One way or the other, Mr. Trump hasn't lost his ability to surprise.
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