If you're a woman, and you've stayed up far past a reasonable hour watching the numerous, nail-biting extra-inning postseason baseball games these last few weeks, you don't actually like sports.
According to a Men's Health article that was published and – after the Internet erupted with rage – promptly deleted, women need story lines in order to care even a little about sports.
And not the "runner on third, tie ballgame, the Kansas City Royals haven't been in the playoffs in 29 years" stories. Women, the article says, need a human-interest story, like a player's wife's battle with cancer, in order to relate to a game.
Of course, the most egregious insult is the assumption that there is just one type of woman. Clearly writer Teresa Sabga hasn't read about the backlash following an episode of Jeopardy! that featured a ridiculous, narrow-minded category called What Women Want.
I hope Men's Health eventually realized some obvious truths: Some women do need human-interest story lines. Some women are also the most intense sports fans you'll ever meet. And some women just don't watch sports at all. How interesting.
As New York magazine points out, Men's Health has made a business out of misinforming men and generalizing the needs of women, who apparently long to be given a silk thong under the table at a restaurant, to be told "I love how you always look amazing for me," and to be made to feel "virgin-esque," among numerous other screen-shaking statements.
For my efforts, when I tried to access the Men's Health website, I was offered 50 sex tips in exchange for my e-mail. The trade-off was enlightening: Gems include trying to "seduce her in your car," "fund an erotic shopping spree" and "exercise together," all of which sound like my worst nightmare.
It's not just Men's Health that trades in gender-stereotyping, since the same can be said of its female-targeted counterparts like Cosmopolitan, which tells women repeatedly what every man wants in bed (because, of course, all men are the same).
In the aftermath, editor Bill Phillips had to take time at the beginning of an appearance on the Today show to offer an apology and explanation.
He said the confusion came from a tweet, which was supposed to read closer to the printed headline, "How to talk sports with a woman who's just not interested in sports," but instead cut off after "woman."
Whatever headline appears in the print edition, the online version was still ill-advisedly titled: "The secret to talking sports with any woman."
Maybe he thinks women – sports fans or not – aren't bright enough to catch that?
Swing and a miss.