Toronto Blue Jays centre fielder Kevin Pillar (11) makes a diving catch during the seventh inning against the Baltimore Orioles at Oriole Park at Camden Yards.Tommy Gilligan
It's finally here: Today is the day baseball returns to Canada, the long awaited Toronto Blue Jays home opener.
But according to a BuzzFeed story, we should all be focused on the players' looks, as per The Definitive Ranking Of Every Toronto Blue Jays Player Based On Hotness. (I don't recommend ever reading this - but if you must, here's the story.)
Yes - before you say it, I know it's BuzzFeed. This is the same organization that makes cat lists, I'm aware. But they should be taken seriously - they also interview the president of the United States and get a seat at the Boston bomber's trial.
The "definitive" list isn't definitive at all - as there are 40 members on our roster and 23 "hotties" listed. But I wish that was its biggest error: It begins with Aaron Loup - who, frankly, shouldn't be making any highlight reel, based on his appearances so far this season, with an average of more than eight earned runs.
BuzzFeed author Amber Dowling writes, "If he's this much of a contortionist on the mound, imagine what he can do in bed."
As for impressive newcomer Justin Smoak: "He looks like an intense dreamer, doesn't he? One who dreams of whisking us away on a surprise getaway. All. Around. The bases."
After a comment about R.A. Dickey's hands - and warm cuddles (seriously!) - it's also "worth noting" an aside, that Dickey knows how to throw a knuckle ball, a rare elusive pitch only very few have mastered.
Is it worth noting that he's won the Cy Young award? That he started an important national conversation about child abuse? Or that his knuckler was nearly perfect for six innings in his first outing this season?
No? You'd rather make a weak, sexual innuendo and move along to the next one?
What's most shocking is that this isn't an article from The Onion - that these are real views expressed, edited and then published.
To be clear, there is plenty of material on this team to make any reporter excited - and make cool, trendy lists about. How about we talk about Kevin Pillar's stunning, acrobatic, potentially-game saving catch on Sunday? How about the fact that our regular closing pitcher is a 20-year-old rookie? How about the Canadian feel-good story of Russell Martin and his unwavering belief that we'll have baseball in October, in Toronto?
Why is it that this reporter is doing the team - and female fans - a great disservice? Like pink jerseys and T-shirts with sexually suggestive phrasing ("I'll meet you in the dugout", etc.), this only perpetuates the stereotype that there has to be some extra element at a baseball game - aside from you know, exciting baseball - to make the ladies sit up and pay attention.
Let's begin the season with respect for our players' talent, and for all fans. Female fans do not need to be distracted. We're there for an exciting Blue Jays team, who frankly doesn't deserve to be degraded into a silly list of looks, but championed for how badly they want to win.
The season is young - this city and this nation are excited. Our boys are looking good.
But no, BuzzFeed - not like that.