Back-to-school anxiety is common for kids. Here’s how to help them

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As children prepare to return to school, the excitement of new beginnings is often tempered by anxiety. For many children, the thought of navigating new routines, social interactions and academic expectations can be overwhelming, leading to heightened worries.

Added to all these usual concerns are new restrictions on cellphone use, which can make the return to school more challenging for anxious children. Previously, these children could discreetly connect with their parents during the school day, receiving reassuring messages that helped manage their anxiety. With these restrictions in place, they may feel more isolated and distressed.

However, there are strategies that parents and teachers can use in collaboration to support anxious children during the school day. Recognizing signs of anxiety and how they manifest in children and finding ways to offer support outside of immediate parental contact can make a significant difference in easing their transition back to school.

The four F’s of anxiety

While anxiety is often associated with the “fight or flight” response, my clinical observations suggest a broader range of reactions, which I refer to as the “Four F’s”: fight, flee, fawn and fixate. Some children respond to anxiety with fighting, anger or aggression, and so they confront perceived threats – like the return to school – with irritability or defiance.

The flee response is characterized by avoidance. Children may try to circumvent school altogether, complaining of aches and pains as excuses to stay home. They may also withdraw socially, avoiding interactions with peers and teachers.

Fawning involves excessive people-pleasing behaviour. Children may go out of their way to make others happy, often at the expense of their own needs. This might manifest as overly compliant behaviour in a school setting, as the child tries to avoid conflict or disapproval from teachers and classmates.

Fixation occurs when a child becomes overly focused on a particular aspect of their anxiety, such as repetitive questioning about school routines or social situations.

Spread calmness, don’t amplify chaos

An anxious child often looks to their parents for cues to react. While it’s natural for parents to want to alleviate their child’s distress, it’s essential to approach the situation calmly. An anxious child needs a composed parent who can model how to handle stress effectively.

Eli Lebowitz, a professor at the Yale Child Study Center and director of its Program for Anxiety Disorders, emphasizes that parents often reinforce their child’s anxiety by adjusting their own behaviour to prevent distress. An example of this is a parent hovering around the kindergarten door when dropping off a crying child instead of giving a quick, reassuring goodbye and leaving. This behaviour, while well-intentioned, can signal to the child that there’s something to be anxious about, making it harder for the child to adjust to being away from the parent and increasing their distress over time.

Prof. Lebowitz advocates for reducing these accommodations while maintaining a supportive relationship. This approach has been shown to decrease anxiety symptoms in children. I agree and often tell the parents of my anxious children that we must “lean into anxiety,” or it will grow.

Address anxiety head-on

One of the most effective ways to support an anxious child is to address the anxiety directly. This proactive approach involves helping the child confront their fears in a controlled and supportive environment.

Parents can start by gently encouraging their children to talk about their worries. Validating these feelings is crucial – acknowledge that it’s okay to feel anxious and that everyone experiences it at times. Once the child’s concerns are out in the open, parents can work with them to develop coping strategies tailored to their specific needs.

Breaking down overwhelming tasks into smaller, manageable steps is also helpful. For example, if a child is anxious about returning to school, parents can begin by discussing what the first day will look like, who will be there and what activities they might do. Gradually increasing exposure to the anxiety-inducing situation can help the child build confidence and resilience.

Practical support

Familiarize the child with the school environment before the academic year begins, which can be especially helpful if it’s a new school or classroom. Parents can arrange visits to the school, allowing the child to explore the space and walk through the daily routine ahead of time.

Buddying up with another family for school drop-offs can create a sense of security and companionship. Knowing they have a friend to navigate the school day with can alleviate some anxiety associated with being in a new or overwhelming environment.

Open communication with the child’s teacher is vital. Parents should reach out early on, sharing concerns about their child’s anxiety and discussing ways to provide additional support in the classroom. Establishing a collaborative relationship ensures consistent support both at home and at school.

Small gestures such as leaving notes in the child’s lunch box or backpack can provide emotional reassurance. These reminders that their parents are thinking of them can offer comfort throughout the school day.

Praising the child’s efforts in facing their fears and navigating challenges is a powerful tool in managing anxiety. Recognizing and celebrating small victories can boost confidence and encourage healthy coping strategies.

Dr. Jillian Roberts is a research professor of educational psychology at the University of Victoria. She is also a practising registered psychologist in B.C., Alberta and NWT. She specializes in child psychology, known for her expertise in navigating the complexities of children’s emotional and mental well-being.