A reader writes: Last summer, my father unveiled his chest to show two monstrous nipple rings. He continued to reveal these things all summer and says he may even get more. He says they fill his need for endorphins, which he formerly received from running. He's still in good shape even if he can no longer run competitively. My friends and I frequently visit the country cottage, but are now embarrassed, along with my mother, who is also dismayed. He loves their shock value and says they are staying. I have friends who have some piercings, but no one has a 50-year-old dad with such decorations. How do I approach this issue or should I just ignore it as I will be away to university next year and therefore spending less time at the cottage?
Answer: When I read your concern over the phone to Chris Saliba, owner and head piercer of Adrenaline, a tattoo and body piercing chain with locations in Montreal, Toronto and Vancouver, his first response was to chastise you: "It sounds like the kid is the 50-year-old," he said. And indeed, it is disconcerting to hear how easy it is to shock an 18-year-old these days. I mean, it's not like you caught your father building an S&M chamber in the basement.
But then again, this is your father, and thus the normal rules of shock and awe are obviously a bit different. Knowing him as well as you do, you may be right in thinking his monster rings are a desperate bid for attention. Or, maybe they're the first signs that he's in the midst of a midlife crisis. Some guys buy a Ferrari, some acquire twentysomething mistresses and some, apparently, transform their nipples.
"It could be a cry," admits Mr. Saliba, but from his experience piercing over the last ten years, he says the most typical reason an older man will come in is to fulfill a long-held wish. "When the father was growing up, going to school, building his career, piercing was taboo, but now it's not," he says. "I find one of the most common things they say is, 'My mom will kill me when she sees these. But I'm 50 now, what's she going to say?'"
And as well as producing a shot of endorphins as that needle passes through flesh, Mr. Saliba says piercings can help a softening body at least appear hard. "If you put two barbells in there, you change your focus of attention from getting a little weaker in the chest to 'Whoa, you pierced your nipples.' And the symmetry does make the chest look a lot more square."
Mr. Saliba assures that piercing among the supposedly straight-laced older set is not even that uncommon. "When I started piercing in 1996 and 1997, I was amazed and shocked how many lawyers, how many doctors, how many heads of companies were tattooed or had body piercings," he says.
I'm still a couple decades away from being able to empathize with this elders-gone-wild syndrome, but I'd say overall, when a man reaches the age of 50, society should stand aside and let him do what he pleases. Now, would I say this if my dad were the one piercing his nipples? Hell no. I'd feel the same way as you.
A friend of mine who has more body piercings than I have (which is zero) had a pretty compelling idea of why this is: "People get nipple rings to enhance sexual pleasure," he told me. And I think he's onto something here. You obviously don't want such thoughts in your head, but unconsciously, when one of the most sensitive and pleasure-inducing parts of your father's anatomy are front and centre, presented in their gleaming circular frames, you probably can't help but go there.
Still, you should absolutely not avoid going to the cottage, or bringing your friends up. Yes, your friends will mock your father, and you may feel suddenly defensive. But there will be no need to try to explain his behaviour to them - you think it's ridiculous too!
I think the best thing to do to brush away the cobwebs of the family taboo is to have a little fun with your father's new ornamentation, at his expense. The first sunny day that he emerges from the cottage bearing only his Speedo and his two new friends, you should say something to provoke him. I'd suggest going with: "Here comes Daddy Tintits." If he quickly shoots back, "I'd prefer Rings of Steel," winks, then does a double-flip off the end of the dock, you'll know not only that the rings are here to stay, but that he's not taking it too seriously. If he heads back inside and throws his metal hoops into the recycling bin, you'll have won the battle. And in that case, I'd say he wasn't quite ready yet to become the Lord of his Rings.
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