This week's question was not directly written to Family Feud, but was posed on the comment board of a recent column. It was compelling enough, however, that I've decided to address it.
A reader writes: I grew up in a family where my parents and siblings - and, in fact, the entire village - had normal, healthy lives with none of the strange issues constantly being described in great detail in this column. Why was I left out of all this suffering?
Answer: Well, first off, your question made me laugh, which I'm sure was its intention. I certainly can't take you literally, although I must confess that I have never been to a village. But I get your point and so decided to take on the challenge of postulating why it is that you do not suffer.
Ever heard of repression?
Only joking - that's too easy. Plus, should all positivity be cynically reduced to the avoidance of reality? I certainly don't think so and neither do the followers of positive psychology, a relatively new movement that is trying to fight against the last century of what it deems "negative psychology." Instead of focusing regressively on the hurt feelings of one's inner child or trying to fit people into categories of pathology, positive psychology aims to identify and nurture strengths.
One acolyte of this philosophy is Dr. Tayyab Rashid, a graduate of the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania, who currently works as a psychologist for the Toronto District School Board and has also done recent research on how adversity affects people differently.
"Our speed-crazy culture causes accidents, listeriosis breaks out, propane tanks explode, there are shootings," says Dr. Rashid, obviously not himself repressing the world's problems. But, he says, less than 12 per cent of people who face disasters such as these - or more common ones like divorce, the death of a loved one or the various family dramas shared in this column - develop that zeitgeisty four-letter word: PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). "The bulk of people do okay," he says. "They find trauma life-changing and life-enhancing. It creates for them a more meaningful life." Positive psychologists have even created an acronym for this: PTG (post-traumatic growth).
But, dear commenter, while it's obvious which side of the PTSD-PTG split you would fall on, how did you get to seemingly have no problems in the first place? What causes an impervious disposition such as yours is something positive psychologists have studied extensively.
"The biggest factor, in three words: Other people matter. And they matter mightily." (I'll forgive Dr. Rashid for cheating on his three words for the nice alliteration). Dr. Rashid says he and his colleagues have studied income, gender, social status, education - all these factors had very minimal effects on happiness compared to social ties. "So you if you live in a small town in Canada and you have strong ties to the community, you have a higher chance of being happy," he says, pointing out that such people have neighbours who care for them when they are sick and vice versa. "Your life has a purpose other than working, paying your mortgage and taking out the garbage every Tuesday."
I think by "small town" Dr. Rashid is talking about your village, dear commenter. You are likely a person highly involved in what sounds like a tightly-knit community and perhaps you even take time to volunteer your special skills (an activity positive psychology guru Martin Seligman identifies as one of the highest causes of feeling good about oneself in his book, Authentic Happiness).
Furthermore, you are probably married, which is another powerful indicator of happiness according to Dr. Seligman - though his studies have also shown that being unmarried is better than being in bad marriage. Duh.
All this said, those who write in to this column obviously have other people in their life - that's the cause of their problems! So maybe that doesn't fully explain why you don't suffer. It could be you just have a high amount of what positive psychologists call "positive affectivity." According to Dr. Seligman's book, some of us are simply genetically wired to react to things more optimistically. However, as he explains, those who have less positive affectivity aren't necessarily unhappy - they just gripe more.
But still, I am a little worried about you, dear commenter. Even Dr. Rashid points out that, "Saying everything is positive - that one would get to a point where one's wife dies, or one get listeriosis and it doesn't matter - is naive optimism." He estimates that five out of ten people who face these types of adversities with positivity are "truly optimistic, truly stress-hardy and resilient." For the other five, who have underestimated their trauma, he says when the effects finally surface, "it hits them bad."
You've obviously got a positive outlook on life - evidenced in part by the sense of humour inherent in your question - but, you know, don't get too cocky. And, when you have a second, will you please send directions to your village?
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Family Feud appears every other Tuesday on the Life page of globeandmail.com.