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Illustration by Marley Allen-Ash
So I have a problem. My ex-boyfriend was an exceptionally good gift-giver.
Many people dream of having a partner who knows their personal tastes so well that every gift they receive hits the nail on the head.
However, I have been carrying around the weight of two years worth of such perfect gifts from a man I no longer date. I’ve been mulling over this issue for several years.
I received some of my favourite possessions during the holidays and birthdays I spent with my ex-boyfriend. The engraved corkscrew, the luxurious mohair sweater, the vintage denim jacket, all things I love but feel uncomfortable still owning. (And in a downtown apartment where you are limited in closet space, that’s a problem.)
Our relationship was full of trials and tribulations and is one I look back at as formative but not in any way healthy. So what do I do? I don’t want to be reminded of where the gifts came from every time I put them on or use them (no matter how wonderful they are).
Last week I was heading to a friend’s house and as I was getting ready I combed through my closet for something to wear. On a hanger was one of those past gifts, a beautiful pastel pink and beige cable knit sweater. I don’t usually reach for it but I also feel it’s far too nice to give away.
I adore this sweater. It’s one piece of clothing that often gets me a lot of attention. Every time I wear it people beg to know where I got it (and I am not someone who usually gets compliments on what I wear). I slipped the buttery soft knit sweater over my head I thought about how I would have never picked this sweater out for myself, I don’t have good enough taste. That is mildly embarrassing to admit.
Sure enough, when I arrived at my friend’s house and unzipped my winter coat, someone cooed, “Oh my God that is the most beautiful sweater. Where did you get it?”
I laughed out loud. I received it six years ago and it still gets this reaction.
But I also wonder: Do I keep the gifts even though I hate being reminded of who gave them to me? So, I sat on my friend’s floor clutching a glass of wine, telling them about this problem.
Their mouths fell open. “What does Thomas think?” they asked.
My partner who I’ve been with for four years thinks my “problem” is hilarious. What does one do with gifts from their exes? Especially when the gifts are nice but the ex was quite the contrary?
Eventually, the problem solved itself. I was moving out of the city and while I packed up boxes of clothes I knew it was time to cut the chord with at least one of my beloved ghost gifts … the mohair sweater.
It was luxurious and beautiful, and something far too cool for me to implement into my outfits on a regular basis.
I walked across the city to my friend’s house and laid the delicate sweater (and a few other pieces) on her bed. Her eyes widened.
“I definitely want this,” she said, reaching for the sweater.
As I walked back to my half-empty apartment, a strange sort of tilted nostalgia set in. I remembered in great detail the pride I felt when I would get compliments about the gifts he’d given me. I think we went overboard on presents partially to make up for the fact that our relationship was strained in every other aspect.
I now sit at my desk in a completely different city, in a completely different stage of my life looking at the past gifts and asking myself why I am struggling to detach.
I went through a lot during that first serious relationship: I’d just started a new program at school and my father had died only a few months prior. There was a lot of growing that happened during those years together.
I can look back at that time and take the good for what it was, and scrap the bad. I don’t need to carry it around with me. If wearing a beautiful sweater makes me feel like I want to crawl out of my skin, then I should probably give it away. I don’t need the memories flooding back whenever someone asks me where I got it. It was time to get rid of everything.
In the end, I didn’t want one of my friends to show up one day wearing that pink and beige cable knit, so I took it to a thrift store, handing it over in a small garbage bag to the kind cashier who noted how soft it was.
For anyone wondering, it’s hanging on a rack at Eva B thrift store in Montreal. I hope whoever gets it next will wear it proudly.
Rosemary Twomey lives in Montreal.