You can't use sedatives or chain him down. Or, at least, that's probably against the law.
It may be easy enough to put your toddler into his bed, but how do you get him to stay there?
Bedtime has become a nightly battle for Merry, a rehab counsellor, and her partner Sharon, parents of three-year-old Ruben. Despite a routine that includes reading and a strict lights-out time, Ruben gets up 10 times in the following half hour, saying he's hungry or he heard a scary noise.
Merry takes him gently back to bed, but he'll often resort to screaming until she returns to reassure him. She believes that if they're patient, Ruben will eventually learn to put himself to sleep, but Sharon says Merry is babying him. Sharon would rather just give him a spanking.
We talked to Vancouver parenting coach Kelly Nault, author of When You're About to Go off the Deep End, Don't Take Your Kids With You, to get her advice on how these frustrated mothers can rid themselves of this nightly drama.
"These two mothers are marionettes," Ms. Nault says, "and guess who's pulling all the strings? Ruben."
The way things are going, she doesn't think the boy will ever learn to go to sleep by himself. "By using these very creative stall tactics," she explains, "he receives an extra 30 minutes of attention, which is essentially playtime for a child."
Merry reports that when Ruben comes out of his room, she "usually does not speak, just walks him back to bed and tucks him in."
They are the words of a loving parent, but Ms. Nault points out that "usually" isn't going to cut it. "If one out of every four times she does speak to Ruben," Ms. Nault says, "those are odds he can live with .ƒ|.ƒ|. happily."
Merry must ask herself, "Do I really want this situation to change?" Ms. Nault says.
Merry insists she does, that she wants Ruben to "learn how to govern himself," but she also admits that the two hours she has with Ruben after work don't seem like enough.
"It sounds to me like that extra time is not only working for Ruben, it's working for her," Ms. Nault says, adding that if Merry wants more playtime she should simply make bedtime later.
As for the couple's opposing parenting styles, Ms. Nault says their differences can be turned into an advantage: Sharon's firm hand can be used to create consistent boundaries for Ruben (though, she cautions, if you spank your child you'd better be ready to be "spanked back" down the road), while Merry's softer approach is needed to communicate those boundaries in a kind, respectful way.
Ms. Nault issues a last warning: If Merry and Sharon blow it after three or four days, things will be much worse the next time, since Ruben will then never believe them. He's going to pull out the big guns, screaming all kinds of things at the top of his lungs.
But if his pleas for attention fall on four deaf ears for seven straight days, then on that seventh night, Ms. Nault promises, these mothers will finally have some rest.
Click here to get expert advice on your own family feud.