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*Caution: Wecannot guarantee that following these lessons will result in a raise, a promotion or even an invitation to your boss's Grey Cup party

how to apologize

From selling cold cuts contaminated with listeria to leaving airline passengers stranded, companies make mistakes. A good executive knows when and how to offer a meaningful apology. Not only will it help repair the damage but it's a way for you to come across as a responsible leader. John Kador, author of Apology: A User's Guide, which will be published next year, suggests how you can avoid feeling sorry for yourself.

don't delay You want to be first with your message. If you don't talk, your opponents will. Tell it straight, tell it all "You can't talk your way out of a situation you acted your way into," says Kador. Don't spin. Don't omit important information, no matter how painful. It always comes out in the end.

Recognize the errorIn a clear and simple way, identify what you did wrong. Use "I" instead of "we," and don't offer excuses. "No one is interested in intentions," says Kador. "They are always interested in consequences." Make it clear your prime consideration is protection of the consumer or other wronged parties. Actually say "I'm sorry" Hedging with "I regret" is less effective. The apology should emphasize compassion for the injured party, rather than redemption for the apologizer. Offer restitution Now is the time to start making amends with concrete offers and proposals. Says Kador: "A good apology is going to require some sacrifice. But it usually costs less than defending your position in court."

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How to plant an air kiss

Knowing when and how to greet a client with a kiss is an art.

Follow these steps to avoid embarrassment, or worse, bodily injury.

- Observe How are they greeting each other? Decide beforehand whether a handshake will do. Once you've settled on the kiss, proceed with authority.

- Read body language Reach out as if to grasp or touch the person's upper arm. If the person recoils or seems tense, loudly state the person's name while touching their arms or shoulders. Smile and step back. Your work is done.

- Lean in Aim to plant your smooch on the air beside their right cheek. (Keep an eye on them to make sure they're doing the same, to avoid a collision.) It's okay to brush cheeks lightly.

Extra credit When to double down

Spain and Italy A kiss on each cheek

North Americans are comfortable with the single air kiss. Many nationalities, however, might lean in for two, three or more kisses, alternating cheeks.

Here's a rough guide:

Jordan It's common to give one kiss on the left cheek and several on the right, the number determined by how well you like the person. Same-sex only--in Muslim cultures, men and women don't kiss in public

France Though two kisses are perfectly appropriate, more can be exchanged depending on the occasion and how well you know the person. Follow their lead

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WHERE TO FIND AN EXECUTIVE MBA TO SUIT YOUR STYLE

Centre for Innovative Management Athabasca University

St. Albert, Alberta

HYPERLINK " http://www.mba.athabascau.ca"mba.athabascau.ca

international study trip

Online courses offered

residential requirement

Tuition$42,000

Duration24 to 28 months (starting in January, May and September)

Star alumnusJim Moore, CEO, Stork Craft Manufacturing

Go here ifyour mom always wanted you to be a doctor. This year, Athabasca launches Canada's first online doctorate in business administration, focused on innovative approaches to management. Otherwise, Athabasca offers various degree options, including elective streams in energy and project management. The past year's speakers included Peter Tertzakian, author of A Thousand Barrels a Second.

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Centre d'Entreprises de la Faculté d'Administration

Université de Sherbrooke

Sherbrooke, Quebec

HYPERLINK " http://www.usherbrooke.ca/adm/formation_continue/centre-dentreprises/"usherbrooke.c aTuitionUp to $27,000

Duration14 to 22 months

Star alumnusFrancine Décary, CEO, Héma-Québec

Go here if vous parlez français. Sherbrooke offers Canada's first French-language eMBA. The program can be customized to fit students' goals, as there are many optional courses, such as Positioning and Image, and Mergers and Acquisitions. As well, students can take advantage of six hours of professional coaching and receive a psychological evaluation.

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Desautels Faculty of Management

M c Gill University/HEC MontRéal

HYPERLINK " http://www.embamcgillhec.ca" http://www.embamcgillhec.ca

international study trip

Tuition $65,000

Duration15 months

Star alumnusChristena Keon Sirsly, chief strategy officer, Via Rail Canada

Go here ifyou like variety. The program format is bilingual, with presentations and discussions in French and English. There are two intensive study periods, one in Quebec and the other in South America or Asia. In the managerial exchange, each student spends three to five days visiting the workplace of another student, observing leadership style and corporate culture. Graduates receive a joint MBA from HEC Montréal and McGill University.

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ESG UQAM School of Management Université du Québec

à Montréal

HYPERLINK " http://www.esg.uqam.ca"esg.uqam.ca

international study trip

Tuition $4,200

Duration Two years

Star alumnusMicheline Martin, regional president, Quebec, RBC Royal Bank

Go here ifyou love a bargain. Tuition is subsidized by the government; UQAM churns out more executive MBAs than almost any school in North America. There are few extravagant perks, however. Except this one: The school's partnership with France's Paris-Dauphine University allows students to complete part of their studies overseas and receive a degree from both schools.

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Faculty of Management

Royal Roads University

Victoria, B.C.

HYPERLINK " http://www.royalroads.ca/mba"royalroads.ca/mb ainternational study trip

Online courses offered

Fine dining

residential requirement

Tuition$34,370

DurationTwo years

Star alumnusAndy Fraser, managing director, Finning U.K.

Go here ifyou're a sucker for a pretty view. In addition to an optional study period in Grenoble, France, Royal Roads' campus is located in the 550-acre Hatley Park National Historic Site and features sweeping views of the Pacific Ocean, a 100-year-old castle, old-growth forest and a national bird sanctuary. You may come to regret that 80% of the program is delivered online.

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Haskayne School of Business/Alberta School of Business

University of Calgary/University of Alberta

Calgary and Edmonton

HYPERLINK " http://www.haskayne-emba.com"haskayne-emba.com

Fine dining

residential requirement

Tuition$55,000

Duration20 months

Star alumnusGeorge Brindle, facility engineering manager, Laricina Energy Ltd.

Go here ifyou've got oil in your veins. Energy and technology are two of the largest sectors represented in the program. Also, unlike some courses, students choose their own 10-day international study trip. The class forms a steering committee to evaluate whether to study emerging or established economies. The destination must have a strong Albertan or Canadian connection.

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John Molson School of Business

Concordia University

Montreal

HYPERLINK " http://www.johnmolson.concordia.ca/emba"johnmolson.concordia.ca/emb aFine dining

residential requirement

Tuition$52,000

Duration20 months

Star AlumnusNathalie de Champlain, vice- president, marketing and communications, Garda

Go here ifyou need a second opinion. Second-year students work in small groups on a management consulting project, for which they can choose to analyze an issue in their own workplaces. The John Molson eMBA is focused on honing management skills through courses in finance, marketing, technology, operations and human resources management.

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Kenneth Levene Graduate School of Business

University of Regina

Regina

HYPERLINK " http://www.uregina.ca/admin"uregina.ca/admi ninternational study trip

Fine dining

Tuition $29,000

Duration16 months

Star graduateDan Florizone, Deputy Minister of Health, Saskatchewan

Go here if you want to learn something about yourself. In the one-week introductory course, students complete personality and management profiles in order to help them learn about their own management styles. There's also an opportunity to discover how the rest of the world works: The one-week international study trip offers tours of business facilities and meetings with business leaders (in 2008, students visited companies in Shanghai).

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Lansbridge University

Fredericton

HYPERLINK " http://www.lansbridge.edu"lansbridge.edu

Online courses offered

Tuition $22,000

Duration 2 years

Star alumnusWayne Singular, CFO, Desmarais Energy Corp.

Go here ifyou'd rather not step inside a classroom. Lansbridge's eMBA is administered entirely online, including study materials, access to professors and live virtual classes. Course-related questions can also be directed to your professors or classmates using any number of online communication methods, including a voice-over-IP chat system.

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Queen's School of Business

Queen's University

Kingston, Ontario

business.queensu.ca

international study trip

Fine dining

Tuition Queen's Executive MBA, $80,000; Ottawa Executive MBA, $75,000; Accelerated MBA, $61,000; Cornell-Queen's Executive MBA, $92,000

DurationQueen's and Ottawa MBAs last 15 months; Accelerated MBA is 12 months; Cornell-Queen's is 18 months

Star alumnus Jim Leech, president and CEO, Ontario Teachers' Pension Plan

Go here ifyou want to rub shoulders with celebrities. The past year's guest speakers included Sir Richard Branson and Kenneth Cole. Additionally, students at Queen's MBA programs can make use of the school's support team, including career coaches, academic advisers and a personal trainer who works to develop individual lifestyle, diet and fitness regimens.

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Richard Ivey School of Business

University of Western Ontario

London, Ontario

HYPERLINK " http://www.iveyemba.ca"iveyemba.c ainternational study trip

Fine dining

residential requirement

Tuition $85,000

Duration 15 months (starting in February and September)

Star alumnus Bonnie Brooks, president and CEO, the Bay department store

Go here ifyou're looking for leadership. Ivey offers instruction in the form of guest lectures from the likes of George Cope, president and CEO of BCE Inc.; Barbara Stymiest, COO, Royal Bank of Canada; and Bill Johnson, retired CEO of McDonald's Canada.

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Rotman School of Management

University of Toronto

Toronto

HYPERLINK " http://www.rotmanemba.ca"rotmanemba.ca ,

Fine dining

residential requirement

omniumgemba.com

international study trip

residential requirement

Tuition $85,000

Duration MBA for Executives, 13 months; Omnium, 18 months

Star alumnus Johann Koss, CEO and founder, Right to Play

Go here ifyou're thinking globally. The student body at the Omnium Global eMBA comprises managers from around the world who come together every two to three months and complete six international modules, including stints in Brazil, India, Switzerland, Hungary and China. Even the cafeteria menu is diverse, with Thai, Chinese and Indian dishes.

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Schulich School of Business

York University

Toronto

HYPERLINK " http://www.emba.schulich.yorku.ca"emba.schulich.yorku.ca

international study trip

residential requirement

Tuition$100,000

Duration18 months

Star alumnusDennis Fotinos, CEO, Enwave Energy Corp.

Go here ifyou're looking to tap new markets. Schulich students complete a two-week residency at the Kellogg School of Management in Chicago. As well, a 10-day international study seminar takes advantage of partner schools in Asia, Europe and the Middle East. Upon graduation, alumni can take elective courses at Kellogg or Schulich tuition-free.

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Segal Graduate School of Business

Simon Fraser University

Vancouver

HYPERLINK " http://www.sfubusiness.ca/emba"business.sfu.ca/emba

international study trip

Tuition $47,500

Duration19 months (5 semesters)

Star alumnusGordon Campbell, Premier of B.C.

Go here ifyou like to get high (altitude-wise, of course). Everyone attends an orientation weekend in Whistler, B.C. During weekend classes (day-long instruction is provided every other Friday and Saturday), students have dinner and spend the night at Vancouver's Metropolitan Hotel. For the international trip, students study the cultural, legal and economic differences confronting companies around the world.

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Sobey School of Business

Saint Mary's University

Halifax

HYPERLINK " http://www.smu.ca/emba"smu.ca/emba

international study trip

Tuition $40,000

Duration20 months

Star alumnusPeter Kelly, mayor of Halifax

Go here ifyou scoff at the idea of going west. Sobey offers the only executive MBA in the Maritimes. Its team-based program represents a who's who of local entrepreneurs, including an art gallery co-owner and the managing director of a marine services company that works with the international oil and gas industry.

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Telfer School of Management

University of Ottawa

Ottawa

HYPERLINK " http://www.emba.uOttawa.ca"emba.uottawa.ca

international study trip

Tuition $59,500

Duration 20 months

Star alumnusDr. Jack Kitts, president and CEO, The Ottawa Hospital

Go here ifyou'd rather be in Silicon Valley. First-year students head to San Jose, California, where they experience the VC-rich business culture of America's high-tech sector. Second-year students complete an international consulting assignment on behalf of an Ottawa-based company.

The destination for 2009 is Santiago, Chile.

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how to retire (on the job)

Gil Schwartz's day job is executive vice-president of corporate communications for CBS Corp. But many people know him as Stanley Bing, the name under which he writes a blog for Fortune magazine and has authored three books. His most recent title is Executricks: Or How to Retire While You're Still Working. According to Bing the satirist, you should use "the everyday tools of business to achieve all the benefits of an affluent retirement lifestyle."

Start with breakfast "Retired people rise when they wish, have a leisurely breakfast, read the paper and mosey around before the day begins," says Bing. "Anyone who has mastered the art of a working breakfast is able to do the same, only with greater access to bacon and other fine-dining pleasures." Invite like-minded colleagues to business breakfasts and lunches so you can spend an hour chatting and reading the paper. Use confusion to your advantage Travelling on business is stressful enough. "If your company has two offices in the same geographic area, schedule a couple of meetings, but realize that for a good part of the trip, people at point A will think you're at point B, and vice versa," he says. Take the opportunity to grab a nap in your hotel room. Realize that meetings are for suckersAt least 80% of meetings aren't really work. "The elimination of bullshit meetings is a key cornerstone in the larger strategy of carving out your own time," he says. Send somebody else to the meeting and then offer your feedback via BlackBerry while you enjoy a leisurely "working lunch." Find a sucker"Delegation is the key to peace of mind and a working retirement," says Bing. "By avoiding direct labour, you're announcing yourself as a manager as opposed to a worker ant." Don't have an executive assistant yet? Ask your boss if you can borrow her EA in order to complete a project.

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Knowing when to pack it in

Jay Switzer spent 23 years at CHUM before announcing his resignation as president and CEO in July, 2007. He tells us why, sometimes, moving on is the savviest career choice.

I'm a big believer in sooner rather than later. In 1979, I was out of my undergraduate [program]and I got a job in the media research department at the Financial Post. Two years later, I got a title improvement, bought a new tie, and I realized that if I didn't leave then I would be in that little cubicle for 10 to 15 years. I didn't want that. So I told my manager--Doug Knight, who's now president of St. Joseph Media--that I quit, and I went back to school.

It's the toughest decision I ever made, to give up a good job, a good life, a terrific working environment and go back to school. Taking a risk, going into a very tough program, giving up a salary--that's tough, but I'm glad I did it. Don't be afraid to follow your heart and talk to yourself (as I do sometimes) and listen to yourself, even if it seems risky.

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how to have babies

Women no longer have to choose between their careers and their kiddies. But that doesn't mean it's not stressful excusing yourself from the office for maternity leave. Moms who've been there and done that offer advice on bringing the baby into the boardroom.

Before Don't get defensive about your job security: Successful managers view maternity leave as a time for stretch assignments and succession planning. Tara Ellis, VP of Showcase and drama content at CanWest Global Communications, interviewed her own replacement candidates before her second mat leave. "It can be nerve-racking to think of someone sitting in your office while you're away, but it's better to have someone minding the store," she says. "Otherwise, you get back and there are piles everywhere." Introduce colleagues and clients to your new team, so that work flows smoothly in your absence. during Keep the date of your return as flexible as possible. Priorities change and newborns get even harder to leave as your return date approaches. Resist the urge to stay (obsessively) in touch with the office. Brief updates from colleagues help you keep abreast of your industry, but conference calls just add to the stress. Simple things like reading the newspaper keep your toe in the adult pool. Mona Malone, BMO's VP of advanced leadership and management development, stayed active in her charity work: "It's good for networking and keeping your confidence, which you can lose when you're away from the work force." after Get with the program. Flexible work arrangements are the boon of the new millennium. Three months after she had her first baby in 1991, Cathy Backman's boss asked if she wanted to take on a new position. Now a senior VP at TD Canada Trust, Backman proposed an arrangement that had her at the office only two days a week. "I view myself as a trailblazer," she says. "I really had to sell the idea. I'm happy to say those policies are now formalized." Parental leave for dads is another sweet victory--maybe it's time for Mr. Mom to see some action.

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One harmless prank A little mischief at the office can help colleagues bond.

Too much is counterproductive (and annoying). The truly merry prankster aims to entertain, not offend. Here's how to create a fake desktop for a colleague.

1 Access your mark's computer while he is out for lunch. Drag all of the files on his desktop into a fresh folder (it's vital that you don't erase any files)

2 Create a number of new folders and give them suggestive names, such as "Things I'd like to do to my boss." Keep it G-rated

3 Take a screenshot of the desktop (PC users can press "print-screen"; Mac users, "command-shift-3"). In the preferences menu, apply the new image as their desktop wallpaper. Invite your colleagues to watch as your mark frantically attempts to delete the new folders

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How to avoid a fashion disasterYou've got a charity function in 20 minutes. Your tux is hanging on your office door--but your cufflinks are still in your bedroom drawer. No need to worry. The office is filled with items that can rescue a sartorial crisis.

ProblemNo cufflinks Solved Use staples. "These are the new invisible cufflinks," you will say to colleagues who ask how your cuffs stay together.

If someone asks to see them, look at him like he's crazy and slowly repeat: "They. Are. Invisible."

ProblemForgot your belt (woman) SolvedWrap the cord from your cellphone charger around your waist (twice if you're really petite). Leave the plug dangling. Presto! You have the hot new InCharge belt from Anne Klein.

- Problem No time for a showerSolved Grab a fashion magazine from the desk of that new marketing intern. Take your time to peruse a few fragrance ads, then rip out a scent strip and rub it on your neck like you would bug spray in Muskoka. Scold said intern for reading at his desk. Keep magazine.

- Problem Pen exploded in shirt pocket Solved Tide to Go sticks aren't going to fix this one. Grab a Sharpie that closely matches the ink and colour in the rest of your shirt. Inhale deeply.

- Problem Left your wallet at homeSolved Head to assistant's desk and remind him it's almost time for his performance review. Ask him to stand up and turn around slowly. Remove wallet from his back pocket.

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How to drink on the job How many drinks are too many for a working lunch? How about the holiday office party? Use this guide to figure out when to nurse a spritzer and when to shut up and drink. Hint: The trick is to not get drunk ( See page 112 to find out what you should be drinking) .

1-drink events

- Lunch with boss at a fancy restaurant

- Just closed a big deal

- Waiting for a flight

- Charity cocktail reception

2-drink events

- Lunch with co-workers at Kelsey's

- Charity event that includes dinner

- Office barbecue

- Entertaining clients

3-drink events

- Annual holiday party

- Booze cruise

- Just lost a big deal

- Charity event that includes dinner and dancing

4-plus-drink events

- Just told your boss what you really think of him

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how to keep a secret

Maxime Bernier lost his post as minister of foreign affairs after leaving confidential documents at his paramour's home. He's not alone in his neglect of confidential information. Claudiu Popa, president of Toronto firm Informatica Security Corp., outlines some common oversights, and how to avoid them.

Know which documents are confidential Many companies lack a universal system for classifying data. Popa suggests assigning different levels of confidentiality to all of your corporate information. Don't print unnecessary copies Trade secrets and private data about customers and clients should be printed only when absolutely necessary. Dispose of the copies with a cross-cut shredder as soon as possible. "Create a stamp that says 'Confidential' and also marks the date," Popa says. That way, you won't leave copies lying around for days after printing. Avoid travel with dataPopa warns that your risk of committing a security breach increases when you leave the office. "Tons of briefcases are stolen from cars' passenger seats and trunks," he says. If you must take your briefcase with you, hide it under the car seat or, better yet, carry it with you at all times. Don't take meetings in Starbucks People eavesdrop, so avoid meetings with colleagues and clients in cafés if you're discussing sensitive topics. Meet in an office or at home.

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how to chat efficiently

Politeness demands at least some idle chit-chat, but how much? Here's a handy planner:

Executive vice-president , 3 minutesOne exec VP may end up as top banana, the others as roadkill. It pays to suck up to the winner early

Middle manager, 8 minutes

Plugged in to what's happening several levels above and below, but beware of lifers with comb-overs

Department head , 6 minutes

Some departments are sexier than others. The head of building operations, for example, could snag you a primo parking spot

Customer service rep, 6 minutes

Hears all complaints. Valuable source of negative intelligence--how, and how badly, does your company suck?

IT technician, 3 minutes

Knows everyone's online secrets. Could take a while to spill the beans, though, due to limited social skills

mailroom guy , 45 seconds

Often a great source of gossip, but may start to cling

Ceo, 45 seconds

Generally allots just a few minutes every couple of weeks to showing the drones in Sector G that he's their friend. State your name, rank and serial number, and not much else

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HOW TO FAKE IT (TILL YOU MAKE IT)

Like a peacock with his feathers, you want others to admire the trappings of your success. But what if said trappings are out of your price range? Borrow them.

- You want Conversation-worthy contemporary art Who's got itArt Gallery of Ontario rentals department PedigreeDrawing from heavy-hitting Toronto galleries, the AGO offers striking photographs from the Stephen Bulger Gallery, quirky works from Katherine Mulherin's, and massive abstracts from Christopher Cutts What it costs$90 for an annual AGO membership, plus 2% to 4% of the work's full cost monthly (three months minimum) We sayAt $240 a month to borrow a $10,000 piece, you can pad your culture quotient without maxing out your Visa

- You wantAn apartment not furnished by Ikea Who's got itRosemont Residences in Toronto PedigreeBachelor, one- and two-bedroom suites in the tony Yorkville neighbourhood or the Entertainment District, offering leather club chairs, stainless-steel appliances and spa-like bathrooms Bottom line$3,300/month and up We sayFor a less pricey (and less weird) solution, host a meal in a private dining room and blame the contractor for delaying your reno

- You wantHot wheels Who's got itAffinity Luxury and Exotic Car Rentals Pedigree Whether it's an understated BMW 3 series sedan or a Porsche 911 Turbo, they've got the car that gives off your chosen vibe Bottom line$100 a day for a sedan; $2,000 a day for a Lamborghini Gallardo We saySnazzier than showing up at the ski retreat in your nine-year-old Honda

- You wantA date that won't eat off his knife Who's got it Eva's Dream male escort agency Pedigree Promising cosmopolitan, well-mannered male escorts between the ages of 20 and 60, "Eva" sets up a predate phone call so you and your man can devise a backstory before the big event Bottom line Prices start at $250 (U.S.) for a two-hour date We say He'll be conversational and look good in a tux, but "full services" are not available

You want Culinary skills that smack of a French sojourn Who's got itRobert Mang Associates PedigreeOwner Raymond Barber will deliver a private chef with the skills to suit your needs. Focusing largely on European and North American cuisines, his staff is happy to duck out and let you take the bow Bottom lineAround $35/hour, plus ingredients We sayCheaper than tuition at the Cordon Bleu

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How to change a five-gallon water cooler

1. With the fresh water jug on the floor, grasp the plastic pull-tab on the lid and tug. The bottom half should separate along the scored line. Lift the remaining cap from the jug and discard.

2. Holding the neck of the bottle with your dominant hand, cradle the base of the jug along your opposite forearm.

Gently tip toward the reservoir of the water cooler.

3. Once the water in the jug begins pouring into the reservoir, you must quickly upend the bottle into the cooler.

Use both hands to steady and adjust the bottle. Invite your colleagues for a refreshing drink to admire your handiwork.

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