A wills and estates lawyer I interviewed several years back had a surprisingly direct response when I asked her how someone should respond when asked to be an executor for a family member’s or friend’s estate.
“Say, ‘No thanks,’” the lawyer said. And she wasn’t joking. Being an executor is hard work, often with no compensation. It could take months or years to settle someone’s estate. Plus, you have to deal with family members about a deceased person’s assets. Just ask an estates lawyer some time about how those conversations can go.
Adviser’s Edge, a publication for financial professionals, recently published an article under the headline “Do executors have to accept the role?” A lawyer quoted in the article says that serving as an executor is “neither an honour nor an obligation,” which raises a question: How do you politely but firmly decline someone’s invitation to be their executor?
For help on this, I consulted David Edey, author of a book called Executor Help: How to Settle an Estate, Pick an Executor and Avoid Family Fights. Here’s a response he has used himself when a friend asked him to be his executor: “I’m truly honoured that you would consider me for such an important role. However, given my age and the commitment the job requires, I wouldn’t want to take on this responsibility later in life.”
One to use if you feel you’d be way out of your depth: “I believe it’s important for you to have the best possible executor. Have you considered speaking with a good friend or someone you think could accept the responsibility in your family? I want to support you in any way I can, but I don’t think I’m the best fit for the role of executor.”
And one more to use when you want to avoid family-related complications: “I value our relationship and I want to avoid any potential conflicts that could arise during the settling of your estate. By me being your executor and knowing your family dynamics, I don’t think it would be a good idea. I know it would upset a lot of people in your family. It might be better to choose someone who is not as closely connected to the family to ensure objectivity.”
Mr. Edey suggests being empathetic and understanding in these conversations because declining a request to be an executor can be a sensitive matter.
More on being an executor:
-Questions to ask if you accept the role of executor
-A Q&A about the executor’s role
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Rob’s personal finance reading list
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Financial help from an employer
All about an IKEA program to help employees struggling with the cost of living through grants or money and discounts. Fascinating to see how companies are broadening their benefit programs for employees. Not just retirement and dental any more.
Mom and dad are moving in
Renovating your house to accommodate your parents or other family members? You could be eligible for the Multigenerational Home Renovation Tax Credit, which maxes out at $7,500.
When frugality backfires
Seven cost savings that aren’t worth it, including driving far and wide to find the best deals on groceries or gas.
Ask Rob
Q: Many financial companies now require that customers have a smartphone for security purposes. I don’t – I detest the crummy units. So what about the two-step verification process, which depends on a smartphone? What is the financial industry doing to help those of us without smartphones to get the benefit of their services?
A: Two-step verification is a security measure to prevent fraud. When you log into a website, you’re asked for your usual password and then for a short numeric code often sent by text to a mobile phone. Many financial companies also offer options for receiving this security code – e-mail or a telephone call.
Do you have a question for me? Send it my way. Sorry I can't answer every one personally. Questions and answers are edited for length and clarity.
Today’s financial tool
A comparison of fees charged by banks for wire transfers, which are commonly used to send money to people in other countries.
On social media
Please read this if you’ve been tempted to buy index-linked GICs or other so-called structured products that offer returns tied to stocks and other assets with no risk of losing money. These products are rigged to be profit-makers for banks and other financial companies. Now for a video take on these investment products.
The money-free zone
I love stories like this. Two brothers make a record in 1979 – a mix of pop, smooth rock and soul that sounds pretty great. The album, Dreamin’ Wild by the Emerson Brothers, is ignored until it’s discovered decades later by a record collector cruising an antique shop in Spokane, Wash. A movie about the Emersons was just released – it’s also called Dreamin’ Wild. The song I like best on the album is Don’t Go Lovin’ Nobody Else, but Baby is one you may have heard already via covers by the likes of Ariel Pink.
ICYMI
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More Rob Carrick and money coverage
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