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stars and dogs

Microsoft (STAR)

MSFT - Nasdaq

Sure, artificial intelligence could eventually destroy humanity. All the more reason to enjoy the gobs of money it’s making for people right now. Shares of Microsoft surged to a record high after JPMorgan hiked its price target on the company – a major investor in ChatGPT developer OpenAI – to US$350 from US$315, citing growth in the AI space. JPMorgan’s target boost followed Microsoft CFO Amy Hood’s comment that “the next generation AI business will be the fastest growing $10-billion business in our history.” With Microsoft’s shares up about 45 per cent this year and other AI stocks also soaring, investors should probably worry less about the end of civilization and more about the end of the AI bubble.

Manchester United (STAR)

MANU - NYSE

Manchester United fans haven’t had much to cheer about this year, what with crosstown rival Manchester City getting all the glory by winning the historic “treble” of the Premier League, FA Cup and Champions League. But Manchester United investors aren’t crying in their beers. Quite the opposite. Shares of the storied soccer franchise jumped as the takeover battle for the club intensified, with speculation that a Qatari group led by Sheikh Jassim bin Hamad al-Thani had the inside track on British billionaire Sir Jim Ratcliffe. If the seven-month sale process isn’t resolved soon, this thing might have to be settled with penalty kicks.

Brookfield Renewable Partners LP (DOG)

BEP. UN - TSX

You might say Brookfield Renewable investors were left twisting in the wind. Shares of the limited partnership and its affiliate, Brookfield Renewable Corp., sank after the companies announced the US$1.05-billion purchase, along with institutional partners, of Duke Energy Renewables – one of the largest operators of wind farms in the United States. The deal for Duke’s division – which also owns solar and battery storage assets – will be financed by a US$650-million equity offering, which was priced at roughly a 4 per cent discount to the previous close for Brookfield Renewable’s units and shares. Maybe the stock is just winded.

John Wiley & Sons (DOG)

WLY - NYSE

Business quiz! Shares of publisher John Wiley & Sons fell after: a) the company withdrew the latest book in its Dummies series, How to Kill Someone for Insurance for Dummies, following widespread protests; b) North Korean ransomware hackers compromised Wiley’s computer systems, covering its website with pictures of mushroom clouds and a smiling Kim Jong Un with his hands on a detonator; c) Wiley announced the proposed sales of several non-core businesses and reported lower fourth-quarter revenue, citing “macroeconomic headwinds” and disruptions caused by the discovery of hundreds of bogus research papers published by its Hindawi scientific journals division. Answer: c.

iRobot (STAR)

IRBT - Nasdaq

If robots take over the world, at least everyone will have really clean floors. Shares of iRobot, which makes Roomba vacuum cleaners, rose after Britain’s competition watchdog gave the green light to Amazon’s US$1.7-billion takeover of the company, saying the deal would not result in “a substantial lessening of competition.” But the acquisition still requires approval of the U.S. Federal Trade Commission and antitrust regulators in the European Union. I would have loved to end this item with vacuum joke, but they always suck.

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