A humorous look at the companies that caught our eye, for better or worse, this week
Tesla (DOG)
TSLA - Nasdaq
Business quiz! Shares of Tesla plummeted after a) CEO Elon Musk began charging customers $20 a month for a window sticker with a blue check mark to prove they are verified Tesla owners; b) in a stroke of incredibly bad luck, debris from this week’s explosion of SpaceX’s Starship rocket rained down on Tesla’s Gigafactory in Texas, causing a large fire that destroyed the facility; c) Tesla reported first-quarter earnings that tumbled more than 20 per cent from a year earlier, as a series of vehicle price cuts weighed on profit margins. Answer: c.
Bowlero (STAR)
BOWL - NYSE
The best TV show of all time? That would have to be Bowling for Dollars. Sadly, the always-thrilling game show went off the air years ago, but there’s still a way for average folks to make money from bowling: Invest in Bowlero. Shares of the company – whose bowling venues include an arcade and sports bar – have doubled from their 2022 lows as pandemic-weary consumers spend more on entertainment and dining. The shares got another boost this week when Jefferies initiated coverage of Bowlero with a “buy” rating and US$23 price target, citing “strong growth and a robust free-cash-flow opportunity.” Strike!
Western Alliance Bancorp (STAR)
WAL - NYSE
Relax. The global financial system isn’t imploding after all. Just weeks after the collapse of Silicon Valley Bank, Signature Bank and Credit Suisse raised the spectre of another financial meltdown, bank stocks have been rebounding as central bank measures have helped restore calm. Shares of Western Alliance Bancorp, for example, surged this week after the Arizona-based regional bank reported stronger-than-expected earnings for the first quarter and said its deposits have been growing in April after the March banking crisis. You can stop putting money under your mattress now.
BuzzFeed (DOG)
BZFD - Nasdaq
BuzzFeed’s stock just ran into a buzz saw. Reeling from a decline in ad spending, the internet media company plans to cut about 180 employees – 15 per cent of its total work force – and close its unprofitable BuzzFeed News subsidiary. Started in 2011, BuzzFeed News marked a departure from the company’s focus on viral and pop-culture content and went on to win numerous awards, including a Pulitzer Prize for its coverage of China’s detention of Uyghurs. Sadly, the newsroom won’t be producing any more hard-hitting investigative stories, but who needs serious journalism when you can read engrossing content such as “32 Wild Historical Facts That’ll Destroy Everything You Think You Know About The World”?
Bellus Health (STAR)
BLU - TSX
There once was a business named Bellus
With a chronic cough treatment to sell us
Then GSK, in a flash
Paid US$2-billion in cash
And now everyone else is just jealous.