It’s a sentiment that is part sweaty land grab, part passive-aggressive sucker punch, part bruised ego, part sadomasochistic paranoid fantasy, part indignant existential scream and 100 per cent reprehensible.
It’s “How dare you park in front of my house.”
This phenomenon was highlighted by a recent social media dust-up. A post by @Cyclesixmile, a Detroit dad, on X showed a handwritten note that had been placed on the windshield of his car. It read:
“Hi I’m the Subaru parking in front of you. You are parked right in front of my house. Can you please move?”
Above it, Cyclesixmile had posted, “I don’t know how to break this to you but you are not a Subaru and you don’t own the street in front of your house.”
He was clear that he was not blocking Mr. Subaru’s driveway and had only been there a few hours. He’d simply parked on a public street. It had five million views and more than 51,000 likes. Many people thought Mr. Subaru was in the wrong and that writing “You are parked right in front of my house. Can you please move?” is what you do when your vocal cords are ruined from screaming “Hey you kids get off my lawn!”
Then again…
The question of street parking is defined by geography. It is both technically and morally acceptable to park in front of someone’s house on a public street if you are not breaking any laws or municipal codes. If you live in a city, you can park anywhere you can, as long as you’re not breaking the law. There are some city-dwellers who object to the practice, but they are rare as they are twisted. If you live in the suburbs, it’s still legal to park on public roads, but as I’ve noticed, many believe in a street-parking code. To these folks, there is an unwritten law out there on the unsettled suburban frontier, where Civics graze and the Camrys run free. The stretch of asphalt in front of his homestead is his by proxy. No automobile shall occupy it without his blessing.
And any man who would allow another to park in front of his house? Well, partner, he ain’t no man at all.
You can find countless examples of this warped sentiment online.
Is street parking public? Here are some answers.
“Technically,” wrote one fellow on Quora, “Yes, it is. Street parking is open to anyone. But in reality, they are doing it to antagonize you and to exert their dominance. The best offense is good defense. Wait until they move their vehicle and start parking your own car or a spare car in that spot at all times … If all else fails, start parking right in front of their house. I guarantee you they will get pissed off about it, but it’s perfectly legal, right?”
Another adds, “You park in front of their home. My neighbor across the street parks in front of my home - which is especially irritating because the space in front of their home (and their driveway) is empty. But there is nothing I can do about it legally. So, I bought an older car and parked it in front of their home. You should have seen the look on their faces when they saw my car.”
Can you imagine what’s it like being one of these people? Your life is an unending series of imaginary slights and phantom insults. You live in a constant state of rage. People don’t park their cars in front of your house because they need a space, they do it to “exert their dominance,” to humiliate you, to debase you, you dirty little worm. You vile cur. Well, you’ll show them, you’ll buy an ugly old car and park it in front of their house.
For some, it’s a question of safety. On X, a user called “elbow” asked @cyclesixmile, “Why are you parked in front of a stranger’s house? That’s pretty creepy and suspicious! If it was my house, [I] would be pretty anxious about it, which is why I would never do that to someone else.” That’s where some people’s minds are at – parking in front of their house equals “creepy and suspicious.”
I suppose it’s all a matter of relativity. In the city, some people get uptight about those who park too close to their driveways. I have firsthand experience with such a person. When it comes to parking, it’s just a matter of proximity. If you have a lot of space, like you do in the suburbs, you lay claim to the street in front of your house. If you’re crammed in, as you are in the city, you judiciously guard your sacred driveway (if you’re lucky enough to have one).
As far as I’m concerned, if you’re not breaking the law or violating any municipal codes, you can park wherever you like.
Park baby, park.