Ontario’s Conservative government plans to introduce legislation that will restrict the construction of new bike lanes if it means blocking existing car lanes, media reports say.Sarah Palmer/The Globe and Mail
Well, it’s about time.
Ontario’s Conservative government plans to introduce legislation in October called the “Reducing Gridlock and Saving You Time Act” that will restrict the construction of new bike lanes if it means blocking existing car lanes, according to media reports.
I am fired up about this legislation. Obviously, if this passes it will solve all of our problems, but the Ford government should go further. Don’t just restrict new lanes, demolish the ones that already exist. Make it like the dismantling of the Berlin Wall, with crowds cheering and young lovers separated by years of Communism kissing.
I wasn’t always this keen on bike-lane abolition. Before I got wise to the bike-lane deep state, I would look at traffic congestion, see all the automobiles clogging up the road and think, “Those cars are causing gridlock.” I never realized that it was the bicycles whipping by in bike lanes that were at fault. I came to see that the overwhelming volume of cars crammed into cities that can’t accommodate them wasn’t creating traffic hell, it was the cyclists breezing by unhindered in bike lanes, land they had stolen from us for their own selfish pleasures.
Listen to me, if we do not eliminate the inarguably fastest way to get around every major city then we will find ourselves trapped inside a prison of bike lanes.
Our hope rests on two core Canadian values:
- Chronically underfund public transit
- Buy more cars
Don’t believe me? You can’t argue with facts.
FACT: I have seen empty bike lanes THEREFORE no one uses bike lanes ever.
If people used bike lanes, they would be full every time I look at one. Everyone knows that when you look at something and it’s empty that means there is never anything in it. The fact the bike lane doesn’t appear occupied when I look is not because the cyclists have already pedalled by and I just missed seeing them. It’s because no one ever uses bikes lanes and they are a waste of space and money.
If bicycling were an effective means of moving around a city, then Canadians would do it. We don’t, therefore it isn’t. I don’t care about “statistics” demonstrating the popularity of bicycle use around the world.
Once you start to dig deeper you see that bike lanes aren’t just responsible for the gridlock nightmare that grips our Canadian cities, they caused COVID too. The pandemic didn’t start in a Chinese wet market. No way, “foreign influence peddlers” planted COVID-19 in a bike lane in Montreal back in the fall of 2019. Once it was embedded, cyclists rode over it, biked home to their friends and family and triggered a super-spreader event.
If you weren’t brainwashed by the woke left-wing media, you’d know that most deadly narcotics are snuck into Canada via bike lane. Mexican cartels pedal across the American border via hidden bike lanes and then bike the drugs to Canada where they distribute them using drug runners who cycle through our country’s labyrinth of bike lanes. You’re probably unaware that the greatest aspiration of Benito Mussolini – who loved all two-wheeled transportation – was to construct a superhighway of fascist bike lanes all over Italy. Remember that next time you see a bike lane – you are looking at Il Duce’s dream come true.
Don’t even get me started on climate change.
Climate change is the single most dangerous phenomenon facing mankind and we must do everything we can to fight it, so long as it does not hurt Canadian drivers. It’s a matter of life or death. If that means wiping out any form of transit that does not burn fossil fuel or cause pollution while at the same time increasing the overall fitness of those who use it, then so be it.
Enough talk. I am going to rent a demolition hammer and start taking down the Dundas Street bike lane. One small step for man, one giant leap toward curing the traffic congestion crisis.