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Rita Trichur is a senior business writer and columnist at The Globe and Mail.
Working mothers are on the verge of collapse.
Sure, COVID-19 case counts are declining, pandemic restrictions are easing and our children are back in school. But this nasty virus keeps lingering in our communities, and we’re still the ones picking up most of the slack at home when family members fall ill.
Doing double duty has taken its toll on me, too. In addition to my paying job, I’m a sleep-deprived mother of two school-aged children and a caregiver for two sick relatives: my brother and my spouse.
The past two years have been traumatic. I lost relatives to COVID-19 and the illness keeps popping up at my brother’s long-term care home. Although he has managed to avoid infection, I become anxious each time there’s an outbreak.
And if that’s not enough, my husband’s health is also failing because of an inflammatory disease called ankylosing spondylitis. He has mobility issues and is in constant pain, so most family responsibilities fall on me.
I accepted long ago that being a working mother and a caregiver would be difficult. Life’s not fair but failure is not an option. This pandemic, however, has taken my stress to a whole new level and I finally hit my limit this year.
It should come as no surprise that there are many other women feeling the same way.
Some 48 per cent of mothers surveyed for a national poll reported reaching their breaking point in April of this year, according to data released by the Canadian Women’s Foundation. (That compares to 39 per cent of fathers.)
Not only are mothers reporting concerns about their physical and mental health, nearly half of them also struggle to balance work and child care responsibilities, the foundation said.
Sounds like me.
This past April, I hit a wall. I was tired, cranky and suffering from writer’s block.
That’s when I did something on a whim. I whipped out my smartphone and booked my first solo vacation in more than 20 years. That’s right – no husband or children. Just me.
My impulsive decision to get away on my own – in the middle of the school year, no less – surprised my relatives and friends. Some got in touch to inquire if I was okay.
“What sparked this?” one friend asked in a text. “This is so unlike you,” remarked another on the phone.
That’s certainly true. My “momcation” is the most self-indulgent thing I’ve ever done. And let me tell you, I have absolutely no regrets.
My holiday plan was inspired by my dear friend and colleague, Clare O’Hara, who took a solitary sojourn earlier this year. She’s also a married mother of two and returned rejuvenated from Costa Rica.
I chose a destination that was not quite as exotic: Prince Edward Island. I’ve always wanted to visit that province.
Since I travelled there during the off-season, I was able to avoid the crowds and got a great deal on my flight, hotel and car rental. These discounts were key to assuaging my mom guilt.
Self-care was my only priority for an entire week. Each morning I would eat the complimentary breakfast provided by the hotel before touring around the island.
I’d then return to my room for a late-afternoon nap. In the evenings, I would venture out for buck-a-shuck oysters or half-priced mussels as a prelude to my daily seafood dinner. Then I would read or watch television before drifting off to sleep.
It was bliss.
There was no snoring spouse or insomniac children kicking me in the middle of the night. No one bothered me while I was in the bathroom.
Although I would chat with my family at least once a day, it was an intrusion-free trip that allowed me to rest and regain some headspace.
I took long walks on the island’s north shore beaches, even dipping my bare feet into the cold waters of the Atlantic one warm day.
During one such stroll in North Rustico, I saw another woman staring serenely at the water. We were the only two people on the beach and struck up a conversation.
I learned that she, too, was a mother who planned to take a vacation without her family the following week. She was headed to Mexico.
That’s when I realized that momcations have long been a thing. Publications ranging from Business Insider to Fox Business have written about the trend of mothers taking holidays on their own.
The New York Times, meanwhile, published a piece 16 years ago about how some working mothers often relish the prospect of business travel for many of the same reasons. I bet that’s the case now more than ever.
And just before the pandemic struck, an article headlined “Momcations. It’s a Thing” appeared in the Times. “It’s so basic – people who don’t have kids live this life every night,” Brandy Ferner told the reporter. “But I don’t need a massage or fancy dinner. I just need no one touching me while I lay horizontal and binge on TV.” I’d venture to say that sentiment rings more true today than it did in when the piece was first published.
Of course, not all mothers can afford to take time off to pamper themselves. I’m incredibly lucky.
If my finances permit it, I will do it again.
What else we’re thinking about:
Wedding season is in full swing. In early 2020, I wrote about the financial folly of big Indian weddings. Barely two months after that piece was published, the pandemic’s first wave hit, and couples were forced to postpone their nuptials. I’ve wondered if lavish ceremonies would become a thing of the past. This story explores the trend of scaled-down South Asian weddings in Canada, while this one examines the impact on India’s wedding industry.
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