Buy something from a store, online or even in person, and often you end up caught in an infinite loop of ensuing email appeals, added to the no-longer appealing newsletters and notifications flowing to your inbox that call for your attention. Better to unsubscribe, says author Julio Vincent Gambuto. And with that, also unsubscribe from other encumbrances, including relationships that are no longer offering adequate sustenance and even aspects of work that drive you away from your values.
“We are in a constant state of subscribing, ever contracting, making agreements and promising,” he writes in Please Unsubscribe, Thanks. We live in a culture of “Yes” – and “likes.” We seek what he calls “faux fullness” in a quest for happiness. But in fact, happiness comes from stopping the madness, and taking back your time, attention and purpose.
He started with a digital detox and later expanded it to people and even questionable work obligations. But even in that initial phase he immediately felt bad. “What if somebody needs me? What if I miss an important update? What if I need to Google something? How will I survive if I don’t know if it will rain at exactly 5:30 today? The immediate guilt, shame and panic is what keeps us in the infinite loop,” he says.
The first order of business he suggests is to stop saying “yes.” Don’t agree to anything. Don’t add anything to your calendar, meet up, sign up or put up with anything that doesn’t give you more time and space. He acknowledges for people pleasers – he is one – that can be excruciating. He wanted to connect with people – to belong. “Yes,” seems to offer opportunity. But “no” can be the road back to blissful and fulfilling quiet, and control of your life.
Then take a full accounting of just how many subscriptions you have in your life. Not just email or publications, but contracts, agreements, promises and other tethers you are bound to and honour each day. Lunch with a friend. Drinks after work with colleagues. Meetings of groups you belong to, half-heartedly. And also: The deeply seated ideas, beliefs and notions that you have about yourself and the world around you.
If this is getting scary – too much to comprehend – he offers a metaphorical parking lot, where you can park a limited number of things you simply cannot part with. He cites as an example an airline loyalty package, where you don’t want to throw away accumulated miles. So don’t cancel your membership; but unsubscribe from the constant barrage of update emails.
We all receive a lot of emails from companies we have purchased from, and he points to those as easy distractions to cut. With that, he recommends switching your web browser, if necessary, to Brave, Firefox, DuckDuckGo or Tor, which allow you to set strict privacy settings and block ads, pop-ups and other annoying messages. Next move to social media, and see what you can jettison or put in the parking lot. Limit your phone to 10 apps – or some other number – making it a phone again.
Beyond unsubscribing digitally, there is the more difficult task of paring the people connections in your life. Many of your friends on social media are not true friends, but family and colleagues at work are real human beings to whom you are attached.
“I don’t want us to abandon all our friends or stop talking to our families. In fact, I am advocating the opposite: For each of us to have people in our lives who inspire us, who embrace us, who keep our candle lit, and who support our joy, and to focus on them instead of the ones who simply pop up and demand the most attention,” he says.
Unsubscribing involves getting rid of whatever stands in the way of the people who you truly love being with. It requires a rethinking of your social life, a truthful examination of who matters and who can be limited or dispensed with.
Quick hits
- Author A.J. Jacobs recommends keeping a document on your devices called “One Thing,” in which you write down one thing you gleaned from every book, movie, podcast or conversation you take part in.
- Another useful list, suggested by productivity writer Laura Vanderkam, is of 100 dreams – a really big bucket list. It will start, undoubtedly, with items that require a lot of time and energy, but as you get toward 100 you will be writing down items that are much more doable in the near future.
- Tech writer David Nield says if you want to turn your smartphone into a dumb phone to silence notifications, eliminate distractions and restrict time-wasting apps, iPhone users can turn to the Dumb Phone app. It creates a text-based launch menu for your most essential apps while hiding everything else from view. Android users can try the Minimalist Phone app, which comes at a cost.
Harvey Schachter is a Kingston-based writer specializing in management issues. He, along with Sheelagh Whittaker, former CEO of both EDS Canada and Cancom, are the authors of When Harvey Didn’t Meet Sheelagh: Emails on Leadership.