My colleague doesn’t respect my perspectives. How can we find common ground?

If cultural conflict is allowed to fester, it can lead to toxic workplace environments and high employee turnover.John Wildgoose/Getty Images

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Ask Women and Work

Question: I am dealing with a conflict between a colleague and myself. We are very different in terms of cultural background and political perspective, and I feel like this colleague doesn’t respect who I am or where I come from. How do I find common ground with this person I have to work with every day?

We asked Andria Barrett, consultant and speaker with The Diversity Agency, to tackle this one:

This is a major type of conflict that’s surfacing in our workplaces. We’ve all had to deal with various types of conflict throughout our lives, but now, in our multicultural workplaces, there’s that additional layer of cultural conflict which can make things especially challenging. Our culture shapes our values, our beliefs and our unconscious bias. It shapes the way we see others.

The first thing you can do to find common ground with this person is consider any experiences you’ve had that are similar. After all, you work for the same company. Are you in the same department? Do you both have children? Are you both caregivers? The more we share with people, the more insight they have into us, which will help them understand who we are and what makes us tick. If you’re open to this, you may find out you have more in common than you think.

My other suggestion is to address the conflict. Take this person aside and discuss the issue with them in private; never in public. Let them know how you feel. It could be a call, or I personally love coffee and I’m happy to take anybody out for a coffee or tea. Sitting and sharing a beverage is the great equalizer, it normalizes things.

Don’t ignore the problem, because when we ignore things, they can fester, making them bigger than they really are. I remember years ago I had a meeting and I walked into the organization with my hand outstretched, saying, ‘Hi, I’m Andria,’ like I always do. And the man did not shake my hand. I was taken aback and thought, ‘That’s rude. How disrespectful,’ but I still proceeded with the meeting. Later on, someone took me aside and explained that he wasn’t being rude, it’s just not permitted in his culture to touch women. He did not mean to offend or disrespect me. After that, we maintained an excellent working relationship, but I needed someone to explain the situation to me. Remember that we all come from different cultures and backgrounds, so gestures, communication styles and language can mean different things to different people.

Having said that, if the person dismisses you or refuses to discuss the issue, you’ve done your part. Offering the coffee meeting and an olive branch was your effort; if the other person doesn’t want to meet you halfway, you know you’ve done the best you can. You can continue to be a respectful and kind employee, and hopefully they will learn to model your behaviour.

You should also seek support within your organization. You may not be the only one experiencing this, and not addressing these kinds of problems can lead to a toxic workplace environment and high employee turnover. Organizations need to create programs or training to have conversations about things like cultural conflict because we are all working with people from different cultures and perspectives. It’s important to make sure everyone understands how fellow employees should be treated, because that makes an organization a strong and healthy place.

Submit your own questions to Ask Women and Work by e-mailing us at GWC@globeandmail.com.

This week’s must-read stories on women and work

I’m still working through my online dismissal and figuring out what’s next

“I had a distinct feeling in my stomach – the kind that tells you the honest-to-goodness truth, the feeling that’s beyond blood and guts, beyond last night’s black bean soup,” says Tanya Yanaky in this First Person essay. “It was the instinct of all instincts – something told me that I was going to get fired that day.

“After exchanging texts and calls with a friend in a similar situation, my web meeting arrived.

“I sat at the head of my dining room table. I was well dressed. I was used to working in the public eye and thought I might as well look the part.

“When my manager’s face appeared on the screen, I continued to feel uneasy. She began by saying this was to be a different type of meeting, and I began to accept my fate. Soon enough the screen split and a young woman from the human-resources department appeared, too.

“‘Are you letting me go?’”

Read how one woman dealt with being dismissed after 20 years at her company.

Why Meridian Credit Union’s CEO opted to pay her employees a living wage

“If you look at the ethos of credit unions – where we come from – the idea was people who didn’t have access to money coming together to form an alliance so they could finance the things they needed,” says Jay-Ann Gilfoy, CEO of Meridian Credit Union, in the latest Report on Business magazine.

“We believe we need to be financing people who have not been part of the economy that we’ve all benefited from. So, we’re rolling out new products and services around personal banking for newcomers to Canada and access to capital for entrepreneurs who maybe haven’t had the opportunities they need to have.

“Our purpose – to help people achieve their best life – also applies to our employees. So, we decided to become a Certified Living Wage Employer – which means we pay our 2,300 employees the living-wage rate for their region. The program makes employees feel like they’re more valued and leads to stronger retention.”

Read more about Meridian Credit Union’s efforts to be an organization “where people feel like they belong.”

Three ways Canadian companies are advancing sustainable fashion

When Stephanie Lipp and Leo Gillis decided to uproot their lives in Mississauga and move to Bonavista, N.L., the couple was looking for a fresh start. The plan was to begin a mushroom farm in the rural town of about 3,000.

Five years later, they have built a budding startup, MycoFutures North America, with Lipp serving as chief executive. The innovative operation, which produces leather-like textiles out of mycelium (the root system of fungi), was named in Natural Products Canada’s 2023 Game Changers report highlighting female-led and -founded companies with a high potential.

The co-founders realized the strength of fungi when Gillis crumpled a bag of mushroom roots and tried to run it over with a lawnmower in hopes of using the nutrients to enrich their backyard soil.

“The mushrooms nearly broke our lawnmower,” Lipp says.

Read how more Canadian fashion entrepreneurs are innovating with ethical textile dyes and fabric made from food waste.

In case you missed it

My young team is full of ideas. But how do I keep control and get things crossed off the agenda?

“One of the best pieces of advice that I received as I’ve moved into leadership is: ‘We don’t have a lot of time, so we better move slowly,’” says Kimberley Rampersad, associate artistic director for the Shaw Festival, in last week’s Ask Women and Work Q&A.

“It’s really served me well. Speed happens with confidence, but confidence only happens when we create a shared language within the group that we all understand. That shared language becomes a shorthand, which is where the speed and agility of the group happens. In order to lay that foundation, you have to put in the time.

“I spend a lot of time in individual meetings with the young people I work with to get to understand them. It’s about having conversations to glean what their values are, where their interests are, what their processes are and what languages they use. Are they into writing? Are they visual? Do they like group work? Do they like more individual work and then coming together?”

Read the full article.

From the archives

Companies want employees to ‘bring their whole selves to work.’ For Black professionals, that can be risky

Job postings and corporate ‘About Us’ pages often include a statement about the company fostering an environment where employees can bring their ‘whole selves’ to work.

But how often do these claims reflect reality?

“I think it’s a scam,” laughs Melanie Blackman-Gushway, who has worked in postsecondary education in the Toronto area for 10 years. “That’s my dream. That’s my vision [for] any place that I work, but the reality is that’s not the case.”

Bringing your whole self to your job can be challenging at best and career limiting at worst, specifically for marginalized and racialized peoples.

Tanya Sinclair is the founder of Black Human Resources Professionals of Canada, a not-for-profit founded in 2020. She’s also the director of people and culture at technology firm Leap Tools.

“For us, bringing our full selves to work essentially means you are able to be yourself,” she says.