Fertility treatments and work: Should I tell my boss?

Individuals may keep quiet about treatments because they fear negative effects on their advancement opportunities.SDI Productions/Getty Images

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Question: I recently accepted an unexpected new job opportunity. However, my partner and I are on a fertility journey that requires a lot of time for treatments and tests. As I start my new job, should I tell my employer in order to get the time off I need?

We asked Dr. Nada Basir, assistant professor of strategic management at the Conrad Business, Entrepreneurship and Technology Centre, University of Waterloo, to tackle this one. Dr. Basir and Dr. Serena Sohrab of the Bayes Business School in London, U.K., have conducted research with professional women who had recently gone through fertility treatments while working full time.

This is a question that came up in all of the interviews and discussions that we’ve had with women navigating fertility treatments and work: ‘Do I tell my boss, my manager, my team? What do I tell them, and when do I tell them?’ Some women avoid sharing anything with their employer because they feel it’s a very private matter. But often it’s about what we call the organizational climate – they don’t perceive that their managers or companies are going to be supportive and empathetic so they avoid sharing anything. Some are afraid that it might have consequences on their advancement opportunities. And that can be a reality, unfortunately.

However, we found that with time, especially as they go through cycles of treatment, most women feel a need to disclose because they need the support. They need their employer to know so that they can create the space to get these treatments done. And almost everyone we talked to who eventually shared said that it had a positive impact.

In many cases, the added stress, the feelings of guilt and the pressure of hiding were so much worse than when they disclosed and said, ‘This is what I’m dealing with.’ Many women said there was a sense of relief once they were able to share that. There were situations where people felt like they didn’t get the support they needed. But for the most part, they did, and telling their employers was a good thing.

In your particular situation, because it’s a new job and you probably don’t have a good feel for the climate of support, you may want to limit the information that you share at the beginning and keep it to what is relevant to doing your job. Sharing about treatment isn’t a binary decision; you can decide how much to share and when. Many of the women we talked to would start off by saying, ‘I’m being treated for a medical condition,’ sharing just enough information so that they could get what they needed, usually flexibility for appointments. With time, you can start to share more.

When disclosing, you should reiterate your commitment to your work and career, and put forward the ways that you’re going to balance your treatment and work commitments.

Go into the conversation knowing, ‘What do I need from my employer?’ For some women, it’s about emotional support, for others it’s about flexibility. It’s also important to ask yourself, ‘How much do I want people involved in this?’ Some women don’t want to be asked about how treatment is going. Teammates might say the wrong thing, or people can give unsolicited advice. So you have some homework to do before the conversation happens.

If after disclosing you don’t feel supported, you should check in with HR and understand what policies are in place for something like this. More and more companies have policies around fertility treatments, but the manager may not know about or understand these policies.

And if you’re starting a new job and you’re not getting the support you need, that might be a hint that maybe this isn’t the right place for you to be.

Submit your own questions to Ask Women and Work by e-mailing us at GWC@globeandmail.com.

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