An iPhone app for everyone

The recent launch of a new network by BCE Inc,'s Bell Canada unit and Telus Corp. has ignited a renewed battle for market share among the country's dominant phone carriers. And the key weapon in this war is the iPhone, the device made by Apple Inc. that has achieved near cult status among wireless junkies.

One of the reasons for the iPhone's popularity is the availability of tens of thousands of applications, or apps - small software tools, easy to download, that do everything from calculating what the Canadian dollar is worth in Indian rupees to providing satellite images of your street. But what if you could give the iPhone a set of apps worthy of Canada's fractious, fighting media and communications industry?

Rogers Cable app. Turns your iPhone into a megaphone, which you can use to complain at high volume about a "TV tax." Whine that this will cause cable fees to rise - but then jack up fees anyway. Interactive version allows your friends to rate you on the hypocrisy-meter. Price: Goes up every year .

- Bell app. Compare mobile services using Bell's online service. Price: Free.* (*long distance charges, local airtime fees, 911 fees, text messaging fees and consumption-of-oxygen charges will apply.) - Konrad von Finckenstein game. Win or lose, it always ends the same - with the angry CRTC chairman turning beet red as steam pours from his ears. Price: Your eardrums.

- Globalive app. Want to be the next Ted Rogers? Here's your chance to go broke trying. (Must enter a valid Canadian passport number to download.) Price: $442-million.

- CBC app. Get the latest news from your local broadcaster. Or at least watch Peter Mansbridge attempt to deliver it without using a chair. A drug-free solution to insomnia. Price: about $34 per Canadian, whether you want it or not .

-- Jim Balsillie utility. Magically turns smart phone revenues into the cash to make futile bids for failing professional hockey teams. Price: Not enough to satisfy Gary Bettman.

- CanWest online auction . Download and use it to make offers for prime assets of Canada's biggest media company: Showcase, HGTV, Food Network, Calgary Herald. All proceeds to CanWest creditors. Price: Half of what CanWest paid.

- Private broadcasting app. Interactive game puts you in the shoes of an exec at CTV or Global. Travel virtually to Hollywood, outbid your opponent for schlock American reality shows, watch the losses pile up. Then go cap-in-hand to Ottawa. Price: 50 cents per month, or as much as the CRTC will grant

- Local television app. Become a TV magnate - cheap! - in your own hometown, if it's a place like Red Deer, Brandon, or Wingham. Includes building, equipment and a few dozen remaining viewers. Price: $1 each or three stations for $2 .

- Twitter app. Share every banal aspect of your day with friends, strangers and stalkers, in 140 characters or less. Hmmm, should I have a multigrain bagel, or sesame seed? Price: Your sanity .

- Ontario Teachers' dancing video. Premium edition. Contains never-before-seen footage of Teachers CEO Jim Leech doing a jig on the day his debt-fuelled BCE takeover deal went down in flames. Price: $42.75.

- Jim Shaw app. Transforms your iPhone into a real light sabre with which you can vanquish the real Evil Empire - broadcast executives. And anyone else who gets in your way. Price: $3.99