I’ve got work stateside but my husband is reluctant to move

THE QUESTION

I've been offered a great position at a large multinational company in the United States. The position gives me a big promotion and helps set up my career for the long term. They will sponsor visas, pay relocation costs and help my husband and me become established (including paying for services to help find him a job).

But the catch is that my husband doesn't know what he will do there for work. He's been looking for change, but this is more than he bargained for. He also doesn't know whether he wants to continue in his current field.

We both have to be committed to the move for it to work and I don't want to force anything on him. How can I help him figure out what his options are? What should we be doing to evaluate whether this move makes sense?

THE ANSWER

Congratulations on your job offer. It sounds as if you are excited by the opportunity. I am assuming that this position fits with your overall career plan and that you have done your due diligence on the company.

Key questions to ask yourself: How does this move fit in with your life plan over all, and your relationship with your husband? No less important, how does this fit with your husband's career vision, path and goals?

If you have not already done this, you need to talk with your husband. Weigh carefully whether this career move matches the vision that you have for your careers, your lives outside work, and your relationship.

Another question to consider: If your husband is willing to make the move to further your career now, would you be willing to do the same for him and his career at a later time? This is often part of the deal when both partners are working. Consider what informal agreements you may need to revisit. If you want help with this, consider working with a relationship coach or counsellor.

If you have not already done so, you should also do your due diligence on the city and community where you are considering moving. Are the environment, the culture and the values of the place agreeable to you and your husband? If not, on which elements are you willing to compromise in the name of advancing your career?

It's fortunate that your new company is willing to fund career coaching or counselling for your husband. You mentioned that he has been looking for change. If so, this might be a great opportunity to clarify his own career goals, revamp his résumé and cover letter, polish his interview and presentation skills, find an appropriate position and negotiate an appropriate compensation package.

If he is not looking for a job but instead considering a new business opportunity, the career coach can help him explore starting his own consulting or other business. This can include not only market surveys, but creating a business and marketing plan and developing a network of professional and client contacts in the new location.

The career coach can also help your husband learn to identify and manage his fears and concerns about giving up his current position and moving to a new job in a new country.

Openly discussing your plans for your career and life together, making clear commitments to one another, learning to deal with fear and consciously evaluating the opportunities before you will allow you and your husband to make better informed choices about your proposed move.

Bruce Sandy is principal of www.brucesandy.com and Pathfinder Coaching & Consulting.

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